a mess

aiyai yai yai yai

it is so obvious.

this thesis process has made me realized, how messy are my thoughts, my stuff. Whether is the files on my harddisk. the photos, the list of books i want to read, the list of movies i want to watch, the list of lists even. the number or sketchbook, the number of notebook....so many so many different things.

My Life is in a mess.

not the bad harmful kind of mess. just the the things are so messy i cant see clearly kind of mess.


the Bar architects said, don't be afraid to simplify things, if it can shows what you want to say..
the same messy process of my thesis is the exact scenario of my brain.

arghh...this is tough. really challenging me. i'm usually very hopeful on a lot of things, but this mess got so big, i'm not sure if i can handle it. not my thesis i mean, my life and experiences.

maybe i don't really need to organize them. do i? heh....

maybe i need a one year break, just to freeze everything and organize my life. but then, i can't exactly escape life....now that is one thing i really need to learn, how to organize my life!

i have a problem

i am so easily distracted.

a quiet song

have you ever heard a song, and you knew you have to listen to it again, because that song wasn't just music and lyrics, but it came with a lot of feelings, thoughts, and even memories. i've once written before how certain songs represent a certain period of my life, so when i listen to those songs again, it is not surprising that it will bring back certain memories, but sometimes, like time like this, it's a song i have never heard before.

In and out of dream
Searching for an answer
Who was I meant to be
Worlds apart from here
Longing for the day
In fear of endless night
Save this lonely heart of mine
When I could not hear
You taught my heart to listen
Song of hope filled my soul
Long before you’d sung them
Learning like a child
To see with eyes wide open
Born again through faith and endless love

After all these years
You still stand here right beside me
Not a moment of regret
Forgiving me this promise
Never letting go
Through the rain and stormy weather
In your love I’ve finally found
My shelter

With a love so strong
Choices made so sacred
Who can judge right or wrong?
Seems no longer matter
When our lives are through
The heavens as our witness
Every step worth taken was with you

After all these years
You still stand here right be

side me
Not a moment of regret
Forgiving me this promise
Never letting go
Through the rain and stormy weather
In your love I’ve finally found
My shelter

After all these years
While you stood here right beside me
How I longed to give you back
All the love that I’d been hiding
Thank you for the tears
Every drop you shed in waiting
In your arm I’ve finally found
My haven

why does this blog still exist?

randomly, today, i went on clicking on all the links of bloggers i used to follow, of which i think inspires, and sadly, many of them has moved on. hopefully, just moved on from blogging, and not from what they are doing with their blogging. bakers hopefully still bake, writers still write, and painter still paint.

but why is mine still existing?

firstly, i think blogging has been more of a inspiration to me more than anyone else. I myself benefit the most from my thoughts. many words or reflections, some i never knew i could write, thoughts i forgotten i had, and passion that i forgotten i believe in.

writing, has always been both an output and input for me. an expression of my feelings, a gain to my beliefs. and today, i realised, no matter whether you're 10, 20 or 50 years old. everyone has their thoughts. and you might not know it, your thought may coincide with those even of the 50s.

I always thought wisdom grows along with age, but the older i get, the more i begin to feel that it doesn't work that ways.

i used to think that adults know better, but now i really beginning to doubt that. the more things we know, the more choices and freedom we have, the more difficult it is to keep hold to one simple principle. and maybe, that made things easier for the kids. There were not given much choices, and they did not know much, they did not need to consider much hence they did so much more, achieving so much more, and daring to be so much more.

so, i've decided. Adulting is no fun. yes, i'm forced to, certain things, but when it comes to the thoughts of doing, i'm going to try, to think much less, explain or speak of what i want to do much less, and instead, do more, fail more, and then do even more.

Last week architecture theory, we were talking about how and why the progression of architecture has been slow, and why are there so many experiments being done over the years yet none can be formed. And the reason being, criticism was not taken critically rather, it was taken offensively. If we can look at criticism constructive, and see it as something that not to condemn us, but to improve us or to make us better, and then looking back at our mistake, and the experiment done on where things got wrong, and not restart another whole new experiment, then maybe, over the years, we may be able to finally have a breakthrough. Not starting anew, but brave enough to go back to where we failed, and find out why we fail.

That part, i believe is the synthesis. the reflection process.
and that,
is why, this blog still exist.
because, here is where my thoughts are, my mistakes lays,
where my present became past, that every word formed, helps me in finding my future.