where are we at right now?

who knew? who could have foreseen? who would have expected, the entire world to be where we are at right now?

some mornings still seem surreal, but it is happening, it is happening right now indeed.

have you ever have thoughts that go through your mind like, how nice if the world can just stop for a second? i did, and it just happened few months ago, when i was attending so many different classes and events daily, getting worn out, and this thought just flew across, if only, if only the world could just stop for a moment. a moment where there are no classes, no events to attend, no socializing, everything could just pause for a second.

and the next thing we know, the world really did stop.
everything stop. classes are cancelled, works are slowed down, even church events are cancelled.

this time, it got me thinking? am i doing what i really want to be doing? or am i doing it just because it is expected of me?

these are the questions to ponder upon....

but through it all, one thing remains. God is the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow.
He knew. He has foreseen.

dream come true

have you ever thought,

what if,
all of a sudden,
you got that realization,
that everything you have right now, at this second, this moment,
is all you have ever wished for?

what would that feeling be?
will you be really happy? satisfied? excited? overwhelmed?
i thought i would be.

but in reality,
when it happened to me, before it struck me, i was complaining.

the room of my dreams,
with that peaceful courtyard view, looking out at the autumn leaves,
two huge windows up above, looking into the blue blue skies and fluffy clouds.

the course of my ambition,
with the amazing variety of students and professors,
freedom of all sorts, choices of all kinds.

the travel around the world experiences,
with budget airlines and affordable travels,
to countries i can only dreamed of within hours.

the freedom of the life i've always wanted,
to do anything anytime, to be anywhere.

it is still unbelievable to believe this but
God really answered my prayers,
He gave me all these, all these that i have always wanted,
undeserving as I am, yet He still blessed me with all these.
Not just all these but so much more, more than I can ever dream of.

He gave me friends who love and care,
He gave me sisters that are always there.
The guidance and fellowship that i always craved for,
He gave it all to me.

What more, what more can i ask for?


i should be ashamed to even have the slightest thought of complaining.
God has done so much, so so much for me,
I should be the one doing something,
doing something for him.


Dear God,

Thank you for all that you have given to me, all that I have, I surrender myself and praise you to the end of the earth. How can i ever thank you enough?

In realization of all these, I am immensely grateful.
and for this moment, i just want to pause a moment, and absorb this all, for i do not know, how long more do i have, to own this moment........

worth it

I am experiencing something new and really heart overwhelming view every time i go out i felt like i have never really travelled before in my life.


okay. maybe, that moment at the peak of Mount John in New Zealand, but that was a rare moment.
Here, it is almost easy to get that.

and the breathtaking view, in which at that moment, i felt like, all the hardship, the efforts put, the long journey, all the uncertainties, the trouble along the way, the disappointments seem insignificant anymore, because what is important is i am standing here, at this place, staring into this view, at that very moment, absorbing all.


it was all worth it. worth the wait. worth not to settle for less. worth the trouble, worth the dream, worth everything.

Thank you, my dear God :')

Feelings

Officially 3 days to go.

luggage packing is a mess.
my feeling is in a mess.
thoughts are everywhere,
gifts everywhere...
yet there is one thing for sure.

It is God who made all these possible.
In d midst of all these rushing here and there, sending and receiving farewell gifts, last minute shoppings, last minute meeting up and all... i thought i should stop a moment to absorb all this, and to thank God for a little.

look unto Him despite of all things, all the mess, all the anticipation, all the hopes and dreams.
just stay still for a little to reflect on all things.

He has made this possible, and its finally happening.

Firstly, he sent a senior there before me. before any of these even begin. Just so this day will arrive where i can have some guidance and reliance.

then, he provided a best buddy to pick up the language. He provided the best teacher i could ever find to teach us, to prepare us, so that we did not just learn the language but the culture, and forming such special bonds.

all those, happened, and i was still clueless of what is to become.

and then, he offered a preposition through my boss. The motivation and opportunity that gave courage. and before all that, he gave the word that says : " Opportunity gives courage", the resolution of taking chances that begin in 2017.

It all came inline now. Connecting the dots.
It was my sister who witness me winning the award back in 2012. It is her who's supporting me to achieve my dream now.

He planned the cell group who gave me a prayer support system, the letting go of my heart on my sister's case, the love for my family, to surrender all things to Him, to taking this step, of finally going to achieve my dream.

God had it all planned. The roommate, the placement, the mail courier, the projects, the closed doors to Australia universities, the rejected scholarship, the relationships formed, the kindness of the consultants, the experienced seniors, the kind colleagues. He had it all planned.

Every step of the way, he was there, and he is still here. i can almost feel Him, sitting next to me, encouraging.

Thank you my Father Lord Jesus.
Thank you God for everything that You have given to me.
Despite all the mistakes that i have done, the rebellious heart, the ignorant mind...
Yet You still choose to bless me with my dream.
Your grace, Your love, is so amazingly great.
Greater than all things in the world,
greater than anyone can ever give.

I thank you Lord with all my heart and all my soul.
and I pray oh Lord, that i'll stay close to You throughout this new phase of life,
that i will not forget Your love, and keep close to Your teaching.
Teach me Dear Lord to hold unto You in all things, to consider You in all ways, and to renew my love to You every day just as You renew our strength.

thank you Lord for this day.
for this i give thanks to Your glory, to your grace, to Your name.
In Jesus name i pray,
Amen

walking away

Some days,  I get really angry... So angry and heartbroken instead of scolding or expressing my anger,  all I want to do is just walk away..  To walk away from all of these nonsense just so they will know or realize what they have done.. But then again, if they didn't listen in the first place,  will walking away helps. 

There are times when I throw tantrums, showing temper,  speak of unkind words..... but those moments,  those hurtful,  heartbreaking ones are the ones that leave me wordless,  too painful to speak,  too at lost to say anything.  At those moments,  I turn to the Bible and flip to find words of wisdom.  And God's words always come through.

This evening I was really angry.  Angry at all the silence admist the wrongs...  Heartbroken at all the wrong doings, even more angry at the all the people who allow these things wrongdoings...  I was angry at the people I love most,  people whom I care most,  so angry that I wish I felt like just writing a long letter and just leave these words to them and go.  Or even worse, maybe I could just walk away without leaving any words...  Maybe then they will slowly reflect on their wrongdoing.  Or will they never know.  There were so many thoughts that went through,  what if I just scream at them of the things that I think just aren't right,  what if I just throw all their things away to express my unhappiness or disapproval,  will it then help?  Will they be sorry for what they are doing?  Or will they be angry at the angry person and felt of injustice. Will they question my behavior, will they understand the source of my anger?  Will they feel my heartache?  Will they even know what's going through in my head?  Or even in my heart? 

And today,  I flipped open the book " A Love Worth Giving", and again God spoken. 

The first sentence, 
Love is not rude. 

See how God speaks? 
Love is not rude.  It is not rude!!! 
Of all the things that I have thought of doing.  None of those are NOT Rude.  All the things that went past my mind are the rudest,  meanest, most horrible way to handle the situation.  How ashamed I should be. 

If God were to do what I thought to do whenever I did something wrong,  where will I be now? 

If God were to scream at me of all my wrongdoings, 
If God were to throw all my things away to express His disapproval of my wrongdoings, 
If God were to list down a long letter of all the wrong things that I have done in the past,  will I then reflect on my wrongs? 
Or worse, 
If God were to walk away from my life,  without even leaving a single word, will I have any idea what I have done wrong?  Will I reflect as they will reflect?
Will I be sorry then as they will be sorry? 

How little am I as a person in comparison to the almighty God.
How rude am I a person in comparison to His actions,
How low as I a human in comparison to His ways,
How ashamed I should be in comparison to His grace?

His love is not rude.  If I have any love in me,  how can I be rude?  If I truly love them as God loves me,  how can I even think of those ways to treat them? 

In the book it says, 
God calls us to a higher, more noble concern.  Not "What are my rights? " but "What is loving? "
Do I have the right to state my disapproval?  Yes,  but is it loving to do so? 
Is it within my right to ignore and not speak to them? Yes,  but is it loving to act this way? 
Is it my right to not do the things that I think they are not doing?  Yes, but will that shows my love to them? 

Common courtesy honors God and his children.  " Do your best to live in peace with everyone" (Roman 12:18). Just do your best.  You can't control their attitude,  but you can manage yours. 

Dear God, 

Thank you for reminding me this in time before I did anything I will regret my entire life for.  Hurtful words spoken cant be retrieved, broken hearts can't be mend. But with You dear Lord,  You made all things seem possible.  Maybe all these happened not to change them,  but to change my perspective, for You have a greater plan.  I know You will not forsake Your children.  If they choose to love you,  You will always always...  be with them.  Sorry for all the tantrums throwing and nonsense thoughts,  but Your grace never fail to teach me lessons, and each time You make me realize,  how much more that I have to learn.  Thank you God for holding me close.  Thank You Lord for showing me grace.  Unworthy as I am. Thank you God. 

In Jesus Name I pray
Amen

through the eyes of faith

God is good
all the time
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good
all the time
through the darkest night, His light will shine
God is good, God is good
all the time

If you're walking through the valley
and there are shadows all around
Do not fear He will guide you
He will keep you safe and sound
Cause He has promised to never leave you
Nor forsake you and His word is true

God is good all the time
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good all the time
through the darkest night, His light will shine
God is good, God is good all the time

we are sinners and so unworthy
Still for us He chose to die
filled us with His Holy Spirit
Now we can stand and testify
that His love is everlasting
and His mercies- they will never end

God is good all the time
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good all the time
Through the darkest night, His light will shine
God is good, God is good, all the time

Though I may not understand
All the plans He left for me
My life is in Your hands
And through the eyes of faith, I can clearly see

God is good all the time
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good all the time
Through the darkest night, His light will shine
God is good, God is good all the time

Potter's hand

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour
I know for sure, all of my days are held in your hands, crafted
Into Your perfect plan
You gently call me into your presence guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life through Your eyes

I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know you're drawing me to yourself
Lead me Lord I pray

Take me, Mould me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

You gently call me into Your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live through Your eyes
I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know your drawing me to yourself

never

I never like that word
never
it seems to be so harsh

no word as arrogant as he to be
to be so sure of what to pass

I never like using never
but reality cant deny
as much as we reluctant to
we just cant tell the lie

but having to think of this is it
the very one last night
no longer can I see her smile again
it just doesnt sound right

in christ we believe we can reunite
someday in heaven we'll meet
but that is only if so she did
surrender herself to His feet

dear Lord what if she didnt
it doesnt seem like she did
I just cant use the word never
not now not her not for this

dear Lord dear God I hope You'll forgive
and whatever is it, may she rest in peace

Thanks for everything. Rest in peace, dai guma.

Turn If Off

by Cindy Hess Kasper

" Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while. " Mark 6:31

When our kids were young, we took a trip to northern Wisconsin to visit my grandparents. They didnt get very good reception on their television, but TV wasn't much of a priority with them. After I had seen our son Scott fiddling with the TV set for a while, he asked with frustration, " What do you do if you can get only one channel and you don't like what's on that one?"

"Try turning it off," I said with a smile. Not exactly the advice he was hoping for. It's even more difficult to do now, especially when there are so many devices that entertain, inform and distract us.

Sometimes we do need to just turn it all off and rest our minds for a little while; we simply need to "unplug". Jesus often drew aside for a time--especially when He wanted to take time to pray (Matt. 14:13). He encouraged the disciples to step away as well -- even for a brief time (Mark 6:31). That kind of solitude and time for reflection is beneficial for each of us. In those moments we are able to draw near to God.

Follow the example and wisdom of Christ. Get away by yourself and "rest a while". It will be good for your body, mind and spirit.

Lord, help me to seek those things which are from above. I want to turn off all that distracts me and draw near to You. 

Turning down the volume of life allows you to listen carefully to God. 

adapted from Our Daily Bread

Juruselamatku

Walau kuharus berjalan
Dalam lembah kekelaman
Perlindungan-Mu Oh Tuhan
Nyatalah bagi hidupku

 Tiada pernah sedetik pun
Tiada pernah Kau tinggalkan
Sungguh mulia dan sempurna
Hanya Kau layak disembah

Yesus Engkau Juru s’lamatku
Dalam janji-Mu kemenanganku
Selamanya ‘kan kunyatakan
Besar setia-Mu Tuhan
Di hidupku

im gonna be perfectly fine

it has been so long since i last posted anything.
its funny how blogging no longer seems to be the thing anymore? but i still like to blog. for me, its not so much of a trend thing, but its something i actually like doing because writing it down actually helps me believe that it actually happen. like sometimes, things that happened were so surreal that i sometimes couldn't be sure whether it actually did happened or did i just made it up in my mind. but reading back what i wrote, it helps to confirm that it did actually happened. and it felt nice reading it. and it also helps connecting the dots. then you will remember to be content. to be grateful of all the things that have actually happened. especially during the bad times.

this two months has been awesome. its amazing how God made everything fall into place like perfectly. like, i never really planned it, the timing and all but it just all fall in the right place at the right time. The perfect place to intern, i got everything i wanted, wait...i got more than what i actually prayed for. the people are nice, the place is awesome, my friends are there for lunch and i learned so much from that place.

Not only that the work wasn't that difficult. the people there are too nice to me, and its amazing how God has made me know each of them individually in his own timing, to reveal the things that He wants me to learn about. Sacrifices made for their family, the love for their children, the determination in work, the principles of life, the commitment you hold, the ownership in the things you do, the way you deal with things and people, being humble, being a sponge, being open to criticism, open to learning new ways and so much more. And then there's all the amazing company He placed around me, sweet and awesome new friends, and my very best friend who stayed back with me every single time, chasing the sunset after work every evening, scream and shout when we're stressed and LLL. then there's the kind and caring ones that He placed near me, bringing them closer in His own special ways and timing, using them to motivate and support me in my times of need, i know its all Him. My internship couldn't have been great without Jesus, without His guidance, without His blessings, without His protection.

And then, there's the New Zealand trip. Didn't even planned it in the first place, and He sort of made it happen. The amazing things i experienced backpacking alone. Can't believe i actually did it. Oh the amazing things i see, the roadtrips i had, the breathtaking places ive been to, though i didn't get to skydive in the end, i'm sure He knows the perfect timing for that to happen. God is good. He knew i needed this escape. He knew i needed this adventure, He knew exactly what i needed. and then He provides, He provides even more than you can ever ask for. He doesn't give you the things you want, but He gives you the things you need. and you don't need to tell Him that because sometimes, you don't even know what you really need.

now its the time to be grateful for all of these. i hate it when i'm feeling like this, all depressed and couldnt focus on the list of things to do, but kept indulging in feeling down and confused, feeling all upset on the things i couldnt get and things i couldnt get any answers... but counting these blessings made everything alright.
God made everything alright. Because its obvious He is taking care of me, i feel relieved that i'm not going through this on my own, that He has it all planned out for me, He will reveal to me in His own timing, He will take care of it, i have absolutely no right and no need to be worried about anything. all i need to do is trust in Him and to completely surrender to Him without any doubt.

then, everything will be perfectly fine. because He is with me. because He is my awesome father. He is my awesome God.

wherever You may lead i will follow

Shepherd of my soul
I give you full control,
Wherever You may lead
I will follow

I have made the choice
to listen for Your voice,
Wherever You may lead
I will go

Be it in a quiet pasture
or by a gentle stream
The Shepherd of my soul is by my side.

Should I face a mighty mountain
or a valley dark and deep
The Shepherd of my soul will be my guide.

Shepherd of my soul
Oh You have made me whole
Where’er I hear You call
how my tears flow

How I feel your love
how I want to serve
I gladly give my heart to You O – Lord.

Be it in the flowing river or in the quiet night
The Shepherd of my soul is by my side.Should I face the stormy weather or the dangers of this world
The Shepherd of my soul will be my guide.

u're big, and i'm small.

in the midst of ups and downs, rain and shine, dark grey water and pitch black sky, sometimes its difficult to look past all bad things that has happened around us and simply feel good bout being here, being alive, being healthy and being blessed. some days, it becomes so overwhelming and you wondered, why are you lying here on a comfy bed, in a cooling room wrapped in warm blanket and still complains...
though some days you're just contented and grateful, there are always some days where you just take it all for granted.

there are always certain point in life when you ask the questions, what for? what if? what then? what now?
what difference can we really make as a person? how much can we do or even, what can we do?
they say one can make a difference, at least to the other one.  just like that starfish story. but when the moon hangs low, and more things become overwhelming, its difficult to constantly stay within that high spirited happie positive mode.

there are days where you just have a heavy heart.
a heavy heart.
it only proves that you're still breathing, and living.

but where to lead ur heavy heart?

sometimes i let that heavy heart linger a little, and let it remind myself how weak, how tiny, how insignificant i am. in hope that this time will be the time where i'll learn to fully leave things to God, and let the heavy heart lead me back to God.

last time, i've tried.
this time, i'll try.
and till that one day when i try, i'll know how to not try.
for a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near.

until you let go

I took a burden to the Lord 

To cast and leave it there. 

I knelt and told Him my plight, 

And wrestled deep in prayer. 

But rising up to go my way 

I felt a deep despair,

For as I tried to trudge along, 

My burden was still there! 

Why didn’t you take my burden, Lord?

Oh, won’t you take it please. 

Again I asked the Lord for help, 

His answering words were these: 

My child, I want to help you out 

I long to take your load

I want to bear your burdens too 

As you walk along life’s road. 

But this you must remember, 

This one thing you must know. . . 

I cannot take your burden 

Until you let it go.

 written by Betty Curti 

a prayer.

oh dear Lord, my fingers are crossed.
i pray i pray and pray pray pray.
very ganjeong.

If this is your plan for me Lord, so be it. if You have better plans, Amen.
I know my future is in Your hands.
All of my hopes and dreams and plans.
where to, send me and i will go.
what to, tell me and i will do.
when to, show me and i will stay.

one thing i've learn throughout these years,
even the silent prayer within the heart, He can hear.

Ctrl + S

1...2...3...4....a total of 4 days after the event, it is still quite difficult to believe that this is happening.

In the morning of the competition, i was jokingly telling all my family members that i'm going to amsterdam, giving them the confident handshakes and the fist on the chest. then off we alfa-ians went with d heys and hahs, teasing each other that we're the one going to amsterdam. until the topics were given and the clock started on screen ticks. picture the mess. poof. 

A WORKSPACE.

- to create an office space for any form of business

- able to portray the image of the business

- functional

- concept : colours, texture, form

- answering the future

that was my given topic. 10 mins past, and i've got nothing. i silently prayed. 

2 hrs passed and our works were left in the hall for judging. from 500 to being shortlisted to 30 then to 9, then suddenly, to present it infront of 500 ppl. totally didn't see that coming. i couldn't even pronounce the word "research" with a "h" in it. everything went by so quickly that when it finally sinks in, i was sitting in a room of reporters. the only thing my brain kept telling me was, i am going to amsterdam. i am going to amsterdam.

n the next thing that came unexpectedly was, i can't go philippines, i can't go philippines

it was totally a mixed feeling. nevertheless, it is indescribable. not only it is my first award, but its also an answer to the questions that i posted to God. none of these would make sense if God wasn't present. everything He planned to happen, in a matter of time, happened for a reason. and on just that day, He answered 3 questions of mine. 

To God be the glory. May the Lord continue to guide in His magnificent way. 

Message of d day

We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized. 12 We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.

Hebrews 6:11 -12

Jadi SepertiMu

Bapa Kau setia

takkan meninggalkan

dan kupercaya

Engkau millikku dan kumilik-Mu

Kerinduanku

Tinggikan nama-Mu

Kerana kutahu

Engkau dalamku dan kudalam-Mu

Ubah hatiku

Seputih hati-Mu

Setulus salib-Mu

Kasih-Mu Tuhan

Biar mataku

Seperti mata-Mu

Pancarkan kasih-Mu

Ku mau jadi seperti-Mu

u noe my number

A Chat With God from worshiphousemedia on GodTube.

one sundae cone at a time

sabbath.
the best day of the week.

and oh i wonder what God was thinking when He made this day.
it wasn't just another sunday. every Sunday beats every Sunday. and today was even sunday-er than any sunday.

sometimes, when u think that u are so busy and u have no time for anything else,
but really, when His plans want to include these things, that are deemed to happen, its not ur will to say no. and its really amazing how He chose to unfold these things.

i'm amazed by how he placed every single person who seems to be in need on your path, in which you think that u're doing them a favor by helping that particular person, but really, when God plans, its not exactly a one way thing. He doesn't just plan For that person when He makes you help him;
At the same time, He is thinking of you when He made you help that person.

u see, you're not just doing that person a favor, but there's always more than one reason for that.
and i'm so grateful for those people that God has placed in my life, people that needed my time, and people who spared their time when i'm in need. so grateful so grateful that i'm so overwhelmed right now for all the things that is in His plans.


perhaps for people who do not believe in Him, don't understand what feeling i'm talking bout, and can't  comprehend this contentment; well, i have no idea on how to explain His grace or describe this overwhelming feeling i'm feeling because its not exactly something you can understand simply by description. and if ever one day you have the desire to know, which i pray you will, you'll understand it somehow on what it means by the peace is here and His presence is strong. so strong so strong u have to put ur hands close to ur heart to prevent it from falling out.


ohhh i dunno what to say. i'm just so grateful that there's a sunday in every week. and when this sunday is over, it only means that the next sunday is a day nearer. :)



take me deeper,
deeper in love with you
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper
deeper than i've ever been before
i just want to love you more and more
how i long to be deeper in love





how He place a contented heart in you that you can't stop smiling as you praise Him.
i am content :)