The Future 2.0

So, the eyes blinked and more than 10 years have passed since The Future 1.0 post was written, which is the very first post i wrote in this blog.

I am not a doctor, not a captain, and definitely not a president of a country. but with the grace of God, i am a Master of Arts in architecture graduate who graduated in the world famous Bauhaus building itself. That's something definitely out of expectation. Really, who knew i will have a chance to even come to Germany, to this little village gem, that so few have heard of, but holds the Bauhaus school back in 1920s, being the icon of Modernity, where so many well known designers. artist, and architects came from. I still remember the first semester of architecture 10 years ago, the very first thing that we heard of is about Bauhaus and its movement. Walter Gropius, Mies Van de Rohe, these names were all so unfamiliar back then, but today, on this very same land, this very same building, this 100th year celebration, i've graduated from my 10th years of architecture studies.

Bauhaus 1931 vs Bauhaus 2019

God is so good to me.
i remember the week when i was about to fly,
my flight was cancelled a few days before. I got so worried and had to search for a flight last minute. but God has other plans in mind. He knew i was afraid to fly alone, so He cancelled my flight so that i could join the other new friends in flying and stepping foot together onto this foreign land. and now, we have all made it together. We survived two years and is about to step foot into a much wider and even more foreign world of the architecture industry in Germany.

First arrival 2017 vs Graduation 2019

Throughout these two years, God is really so close to me. He taught me so many things, led me to so many precious experience, and placed so many beautiful angels around me. 

two years of adventures and God's grace

He gave me a German family, amazingly supportive sisters and brothers in Christ, an international world of studiomates and friends, moments of peace and joy under trees, by still waters, endless great moments, wonderful travels of explorations, overwhelmingly touching experiences of His miracle, and most importantly, He gave me a chance to get to know Him personally. 

It was really an amazing 2 years, and though i have no idea what the future holds, these 10 years were definitely an amazing growth.  and though I can't imagine what the next 10 years will be like, one thing i am certain, that God will be in the picture, and i want to stay close to Him, forever and ever. 

why does this blog still exist?

randomly, today, i went on clicking on all the links of bloggers i used to follow, of which i think inspires, and sadly, many of them has moved on. hopefully, just moved on from blogging, and not from what they are doing with their blogging. bakers hopefully still bake, writers still write, and painter still paint.

but why is mine still existing?

firstly, i think blogging has been more of a inspiration to me more than anyone else. I myself benefit the most from my thoughts. many words or reflections, some i never knew i could write, thoughts i forgotten i had, and passion that i forgotten i believe in.

writing, has always been both an output and input for me. an expression of my feelings, a gain to my beliefs. and today, i realised, no matter whether you're 10, 20 or 50 years old. everyone has their thoughts. and you might not know it, your thought may coincide with those even of the 50s.

I always thought wisdom grows along with age, but the older i get, the more i begin to feel that it doesn't work that ways.

i used to think that adults know better, but now i really beginning to doubt that. the more things we know, the more choices and freedom we have, the more difficult it is to keep hold to one simple principle. and maybe, that made things easier for the kids. There were not given much choices, and they did not know much, they did not need to consider much hence they did so much more, achieving so much more, and daring to be so much more.

so, i've decided. Adulting is no fun. yes, i'm forced to, certain things, but when it comes to the thoughts of doing, i'm going to try, to think much less, explain or speak of what i want to do much less, and instead, do more, fail more, and then do even more.

Last week architecture theory, we were talking about how and why the progression of architecture has been slow, and why are there so many experiments being done over the years yet none can be formed. And the reason being, criticism was not taken critically rather, it was taken offensively. If we can look at criticism constructive, and see it as something that not to condemn us, but to improve us or to make us better, and then looking back at our mistake, and the experiment done on where things got wrong, and not restart another whole new experiment, then maybe, over the years, we may be able to finally have a breakthrough. Not starting anew, but brave enough to go back to where we failed, and find out why we fail.

That part, i believe is the synthesis. the reflection process.
and that,
is why, this blog still exist.
because, here is where my thoughts are, my mistakes lays,
where my present became past, that every word formed, helps me in finding my future.

The story that came with 2015.

The month of January passes so quickly that before i could even embrace the coming of the new year it was already here jumping so quickly to the month of February. only until today that i get to sit down and arrange my thoughts, and this, is going to be a really long one. 

2015 has officially ended! hoorah. It was one of those difficult year, or more accurately emotionally confusing year. All jokes to quarter life crisis. cringing at the thought of it. But at the same time, it is because of these events that made you oh so grateful that you were not alone when all these happen, that there's someone up there, always watching over you, guiding your every step, yes, even when you choose to keep your distance with the one above, you can't hide yourself from Him, because He is all knowing, all powerful and all love. and you are actually grateful that you can never hide from Him, because deep down inside you were actually hoping that He would come looking for you, like a father looking for a lost child.

Episode one: Being Away.

Choosing to have my practical somewhere far away was one of the best decision i've ever made. The fear of knowing nothing and no one in the beginning was indeed intimidating at first, but the experiences that i have gained were just so amazing . So many great people i've met that made me felt so at home even when home was far away. So much i've learn, so much i got to see. It made me understand the freedom of being out there, the joy to meet new people, to have a space for your own, to own the world with no one to limit you. But at the same time, it also made me realize how helpless one can feel when you're so far away and something bad happened back home. No, that feeling isn't the best feeling in the world, it was horrible, and fearfully intimidating in which at that moment, you wish you could hop onto the next plane home just so you can hug them. your family, your close ones, people that you could always trust and will never leave you. even when you're the one who chose to go away. That is the only thing that made me think twice before making another decision to go another place distant. 

Episode two: The Fall.

This was a season of confusing thoughts and emotions all jumbled up. Each day passed by so quickly but slowly at the same time that things got so messed up and you got all messed up. Many wrong decisions were made but there are those right ones that you are more than grateful that those few were the right ones that you made. Its funny how God makes you learn sometime. correction, most of the time. Whether its for the stubborn ones, the weak ones, the tough ones, the caring ones, the kind ones, the adventurous ones, the ambitious ones, anyone... He got his stories to tell. He has His plans all laid out, without you knowing it. And more importantly, there's always something to learn from those mistakes, and given a 2nd chance, certain things you will still choose to go for, and those wrong decisions you made, are possibly the most important mistakes that you're gonna keep in mind, because it has led you to realized, that there are somethings in this world that you will never ever give up or choose to exchange with anything. It is like when you first learn to run.

When you first learn to run, you do not know where your limit is, so you just ran, as fast as you can, enjoying the thrill and breeze while running, until you ran so quickly that you didn't realize you were going downhill, and at that instance where your conscience kick in reminding you to check where you're going, all of the sudden you realized how far ahead the wrong direction you went and you got all panic and that's when you fell. The fight between the inertia that drags you to keep going with the realization that it isn't the destination you would want to arrive to, and then there's also between the temptation to ignore and just enjoy the breeze and also the fear that you'll never find your way home. So in the end, you just lost control and fell down. That is when everything, the view, the scenes, everything that got playing just stop. And you were left seated on that rocky ground, bleeding with your wounds and scratches. In the beginning, the fall was so painful and you were so afraid because you see a big wound on your knees and you think its never going away. And that moment, you realized, how quick you have been running, not knowing that you were losing control of your steering. But after all the crying, you slowly begin to see how far you have detoured from your original route, and that fall had to happen in order to stop you from going further into the wrong direction.

You then begin to be grateful of the fall, that God made you fell, He didn't make you bleed, it came together as a risk when you choose to start running in the first place. and also, He didn't stop me from running in the beginning, because if He did, He wouldn't be God. We would call Him a dictator, a mean ruler, a strict master who never let us try anything, despite how much we wanted to. But no, He was not all that, because He let me went ahead with my adventure, just so i would learn how far I could go, and I would know how fast i could run, just so i would learn how quick i should run. Weeks after the fall, as the wound became a scar, it became the scar to remind you to be extra careful next time. It is important because if it wasn't not there, it will look as if nothing has ever happen, there wasn't any adventure, there wasn't anything. You have not tried and you would not know what could have become and where your limit is. But because that adventure was a necessity, you wasn't left standing there wondering, what if, i had the courage and went for the adventure, would things be different now. But because you did, there were no regrets, it was all a matter of choice. That moment made me realized, every step you take, you were given full right to choose, and no one should be blamed for your decision. Not your parents, not your friends, not even God, but you, yourself have to take full responsibility on it. When you realized this, you know that you have grown, grown to be an adult, even if you're still five feet tall and dress like a kid, there is no way in denying that,  your decisions are yours to make. I know it is always the right choice to choose Him, for He is the only one that I can find comfort in. and even God, gave you the free will to choose.

Episode 3: Support.

These few months were all about having a support system, or being part of the support system.

This equation, of having and giving, has to be in equilibrium, and that, is not that easily achieved.

In the beginning, I thought I was being the support system to a close friend who needed me at that time, but at that same time, i needed a friend as much as she needed me. Days living in the hospital opened my eyes to see that those scenes live out from drama series very much came alive in front of me. The struggle between living and dying, the sick and the healthy, the pain of losing a love ones, the fight to stay alive, the strength to support, and the strength of little ones. I made mental notes to write a post about this, but haven't done it till now. You would think that 6 months of doing nothing would be free and easy, but to tell you the truth, that 6 months were the heaviest, toughest 6 months that I have ever been in. It was emotionally, mentally and physically challenging and tiring. It was exhausting, and i never knew one could be so emotionally exhausted. The days living in the hospital were days of revelations. Who knew such great revelations would come with this simple gesture of volunteering company. 

There, I met a family of 3 boys. The eldest living in the ICU for almost 8 months, while the younger two came visit every single days as the mother live in the community shelter provided for the family members of the ICU patients. The innocent two, i still remember their smile despite all the hardship, their sincere prayers before every meal, their cheeky actions killing a spider. i remember reading to them, feeding them, chasing them around the park. It is definitely not easy being a parent, moreover having a child that is battling with sickness. I still remember when the mother told me that her son told her the other day, that he did not want to live anymore. That sentence, made me teary, just listening to it, I could not imagine how the mother must have felt. But no she couldn't cry infront of him. She has to be the tough one, comforting and encouraging him that this is not the right way to think. She has to motivate him, to persuade him to fight further, when at the same time, the fight was tougher at her side. Financially, emotionally, her responsibilities for her younger ones, there isn't any left for herself. She didn't have time to think for herself. Then, i also realized how important it is to have an other half who can support all the way through. How strong the love of the two have to be to pull through this together. and how important is it to have God in this equation, because how strong can a human be. Without God, how can one have to strength to deal with all these. Simply being a friend, I had it hard, but as a friend, i can choose to just walk away, but how can a mother walk away from her own flesh. She couldn't. 

The second half was about my support system. These few months were my lowest. It was a road to everywhere but also a road to nowhere. It was a blurred path, if a path can even be seen. Everything was possible because nothing was there. There weren't any decisions made, and there weren't any solid options given. It was as if i was doing nothing, but i was doing everything i could. Every free time was passed with guilt because every second was free time. It wasn't free at all, it came with a price. Judgments came, comments were made, words were hurtful and it involves lots of crying. i had my plans, but i didn't know how to make them happen. i tried all ways, to run away from what seem like the worse of my plan, but God knew better. Despite how hard i tried to beat around the bush to avoid it, in the end, God pulled me back to the path that i dread so much to take. But He knew i wouldn't walk onto that path without giving a fight for the things i want, so He didn't stop me. He let me try every way i could find, to jump to dive, to climb to hike. and in His very special way, all circumstances made me willingly choose His path, which happened to be the very path i choose to avoid right from the beginning. The key point was this, everything has to happened, in order for me to WILLINGLY choose that path. And because of all that has happen, i was not complaining when the path came, but happily hopping and skipping into it, right up to now. Can you see how amazing this God is? all the trouble for my free will, all the trouble for my willingness, i was that important to Him. i feel so much love.

Episode 4: Back on track. New track that is.

And finally, the final episode of 2015, obviously needed a happy ending, the finale they called it. After what seemed like a pretty grey year, this was quite unexpected. I found belong in many ways. Career wise, i was given a great boss, understanding one that is willing to teach, caring and kind. He has the right principles but wasn't boastful. He is efficient and quick in many ways even with his steps. and most importantly, he is willing to share. This company is more than everything i was wishing to get. Tasks wise, i got to learn everything i want to learn. Contract, Authority, Design, Site, and construction soon. Community wise, i am happy with all the things i can do during the weekends up north. Who knew a fishing village could give me so much more than just fishes. The wish to have a mentor? i was given more than one. many to be honest, i couldn't be more grateful.

On alternate weeks, I have my happie getaway, where i found my sunrise and sunsets and a good peaceful corner to read. For the bonus, i got involved back in music, and performed in a concert. Finding back that feeling was nostalgic yet joyful. Certain things weren't the same anymore but the connection was there. Everything seems to be going on well. 

All these months flashed back like i was reading someone else'. And then i turn to the last page of the 2015 book and these words were printed;

"And she lives happily ever after"

draw ink

it was 3 quick ugly portrait sketch and then this. this is fun. :) 

going offline

it wasnt easy, bt its actually working.

social media and networking have been consuming much of the time quietly. i recently realized days can pass by easily with phone and internet. and it has been helping me in procrastinating my applications and portfolios. 

few days ago, d thought just suddenly came. to deactivate and delete everything from my phone. the second i deleted it, i found myself having nothing to do. no more fb to scroll, no more instagram to like, no more whatsapp msgs to reply, ive got nothing. whats left in d phone is only bible and a few productive apps. i found myself having no more distractions.

the process of choosing what to delete itself wasnt easy. to think of who r people i needed to inform regarding work required some effort. but it was all worth it. 

the last few days have been, more productive and fruitful. ive read more, ive think more, ive written more and im progressing somewhere, at least having a little hint on what i want/ can have for my future. 

thats when i realized, how much time have been wasted in social media. it wasnt all bad in it, but too large amount of time have been spent on it. it has become a habit to be constantly unlocking my phone just to check if theres a new notification, or a new incoming msg. bad bad.

the night after deleting it, i lie on bed and has no reason to hold onto to my phone before i sleep. no longer anything to scroll, my hand is finally willing to reach for solid books. 

the first thought was this is only for a week, a week free from everything else to really focus on prayer and God's word to find out which way to take for my future. but then again, im beginning to like the feeling of not being attached to the world, the feeling of not being attached to my phone. 

it is working. 

with colour or without?

sometimes less is more,

sometimes its not.

but what about this time? 

wonder why its pixelated. click in to see clearer. 

Ctrl + S

1...2...3...4....a total of 4 days after the event, it is still quite difficult to believe that this is happening.

In the morning of the competition, i was jokingly telling all my family members that i'm going to amsterdam, giving them the confident handshakes and the fist on the chest. then off we alfa-ians went with d heys and hahs, teasing each other that we're the one going to amsterdam. until the topics were given and the clock started on screen ticks. picture the mess. poof. 

A WORKSPACE.

- to create an office space for any form of business

- able to portray the image of the business

- functional

- concept : colours, texture, form

- answering the future

that was my given topic. 10 mins past, and i've got nothing. i silently prayed. 

2 hrs passed and our works were left in the hall for judging. from 500 to being shortlisted to 30 then to 9, then suddenly, to present it infront of 500 ppl. totally didn't see that coming. i couldn't even pronounce the word "research" with a "h" in it. everything went by so quickly that when it finally sinks in, i was sitting in a room of reporters. the only thing my brain kept telling me was, i am going to amsterdam. i am going to amsterdam.

n the next thing that came unexpectedly was, i can't go philippines, i can't go philippines

it was totally a mixed feeling. nevertheless, it is indescribable. not only it is my first award, but its also an answer to the questions that i posted to God. none of these would make sense if God wasn't present. everything He planned to happen, in a matter of time, happened for a reason. and on just that day, He answered 3 questions of mine. 

To God be the glory. May the Lord continue to guide in His magnificent way. 

n i was tempted to push the sculpture off it's shelf o.O

went to watch this play on wed without expecting much. and out of the unexpected, it was surprisingly funny yet not light in its content. Kinda cool being able to sit in the first row. its like if i stretch my leg, i can actually trip the actor actresses. not that i did anything like tat though. heh. but i did spot a few wrinkles on one of the actor. Nevertheless, he is a really really good actor.

as for the play, in the beginning, it was really funny. Real humor kind and not the lame ones. I was really enjoying the play till they slowly reveal the true content of the play. it was not any light issue. As critical as it is, racism is no myth nor fiction. It is the reality of our society. and you can't say it has actually ended. but i think the play sort of made everyone think. and i guess that's kinda the point of it.

to be honest, i was kinda amazed by what local play can produce. it was a heavy yet enjoyable night. hmm :) i've always love KLpac. love the architecture. love the park.
i think the play will be showing  till 6th Feb. go grab ur tickets. it's definitely worth it's price.
check it out. PARAH

during the Q & A session

and no matter what i feed him he always seem to grow oh oh~

#1 tidy up closet

let's not see the result, let's feel it with a big big smile~

this semester, we did more than necessary. we did our best. we set up spotlights, prepared refreshments, made brochures, and turned our studio into an exhibition space instead of just the usual pin on wall and present thing. was it just for that 20% of marks that the final assessment can give? we definitely gained more than that. Though it seems like its too much of extra work to do, see how happie everyone turned out to be in the end :) it was definitely definitely worth it!! 

and u know how i always complain about group projects? the frustration that group projects give can be ao unbearable when everyone is unhappy with everyone; but when everyone work together happily towards one goal, singing and screaming like annoyingly noisy smurfs, just like the final 3 hours on the day before assessment, the joy and result of it beats what one can do alone! i love it when everyone is happie ^^

we learn to do what's more than necessary and be amazed by the outcome of it :)

its not always about the pointer or marks. its d satisfaction on the result of your combined hardwork and efforts.
Thank you God
group hug!!!

a drop in the ocean

a change in the weather~~

soooo shouldn't be drawing this right now....

bt i just can't stop listenin to his songs.

There goes another job....DONE...

wee~~~~ after working in the daycare centre for two whole months....Finally, teacher Melissa is moving on to the next phase of life. But for now, back to the holidays first.

Today, was my last day of work in the daycare centre. Despite the tiring working hours, I did earn something from this job.

Thinking, two months back, lying on my bed, figuring what to do with my holidays....that night, I wasn't up for any job. Yet, the next morning, I went for this interview and all of a sudden, I'm teacher Melissa.....


This job can be consider hectic with long working hours and wide range of duties. I did took some time to get used to the lifestyle there. In the beginning, I wasn't used to anything there. Not the food, not the driving around, absolutely not the directions, and not the noisy kids and lack of concentration students.... However, now that two months have passed, I felt that, this job wasn't that bad afterall.. Although I'm glad that now I have my holidays back...hehe...


Seriously, everyday was drama day in the centre. In the first two weeks, I was struggling on how to face all the hittings and scoldings there. Maybe, I wasn't as experienced as the two boss who worked for more than 10 years. But I just couldn't stand their punishments. I feel that their punishments towards these young little kids are too harsh and strict...Too much for me to handle, more over little kids, with their tiny hands n feets. But, its not that I having a say will change the way of their teaching. Therefore, I can only look helplessly and try to talk to the kids and comfort them when the boss is not around. Sounds useless harh. more like a coward. I thought I was useless tooo. Thought of quiting but I know running away will not solve the problem...It was a hard time going through that period.


But as time passes by, as I talked to God, observed more and thought about it. I realize that, although I can't change the way things work in there, since the teachers there have their way of teaching even if I do not agree with it, yet I still can make a difference, even if its just a tiny little one,by leaving my footprints in the children lives. Despite quitting the job and forget everything about it, I stayed on with the job. Although the hitting sounds serious, and they looked scary to me too.But I guess the teacher herself has reasons and her way of teaching. So I guess this can't be consider as child abuse or whatsoever.


Anyway, after getting used to how things work in the centre, I began to enjoy working there. Then, in comes the driver responsiblity, and there goes the struggle again. ARgh!!! Due to my lousy sense of directions, and the so many different shortcuts among the six schools that I have to pick up students from, I've gotten myself lost for a couple of times and almost got into accidents for a few times. Really, that 1 cm to BANG!!! Fetching so many students in that can say cacat car....you cannot imagine the pressure. plus the heat in the car for almost 2 hours everyday!!! But THank GOD, I didn't get into any of the accidents and every student is still in one piece. And bonus, I've learn a "leng lui road" (absolute shortcut) from my hse to 1u. cutting through all the jams and traffic lights..woohoo~~~


oh right, bout the dramas. yea, everyday is drama day in the centre, one day there's awful hitting, the other, there's kids stealing things and threats to police station causing kids to cry and cry and cry....ouch...it really was pushing me to my limits. I was about to have a mental breakdown working there. Yet, after everything settles down, those little things they do can really comfort you... The simple simple words they say, their pure little tears, their innocent looks and actions, wow... how could you scold them further. Teaching in a centre really is different from teaching in primary schools. Less rules and more attention. You get to observe more, and understand more about every single kid. It was interesting reading their behaviours and observing their reactions. Girls are often more straightforward and giggle lots!!!!! While boys, they keep things to themselves and really, they cannot be embarrassed!!! Very "thin" skin. They wouldn't admit their likes or mistakes, even if its already soo obvious.They need to have "stairs to step down"... Those are the little things that made me stayed...



And you know what? I found out that many of the children have family problems. There's one boy who lost his mother, and now he's only 9. Then there's another boy who only have one ear. A standard two girl who are a slow learner despite her willingness to work hard. That one was a real headache. God really is testing my patience. Yet, when you're about to scold her, she puts on that innocent looking face, aiyo.....made me felt guilty for even thinking bout scolding her. susah......Then this boy who only goes home during the weekends, he was the one who received the most hitting. He did had some emotional issue, making him even more rebellious, but there was once I spoke to him individually, only surprised to find that he understands every word I said and he even cried. I was hoping to bring him to church, knowing that I'll be leaving the centre in another 2 weeks time.I felt that, there was a need to help him. Help him to think more openly and learn to put away all the grudges he has towards the teacher who hitted him. He even began to vandalize things around. I was thinking maybe bringing him to church can help him to think positively and enjoy being a kid more. However, his parents doesn't allow him to follow. But he still have his happy family. Although he only gets to spend time with them during the weekends, its obvious that his parents really love him lots. Then, there's another good news, I managed to bring this girl who lost both her parents to church. She's only nine and is now living with her grandmother. I brought her to church last sunday, and she says she enjoyed herself and wants to come every Sunday. Praise the Lord!!!! God always brings you to a place with a purpose. Now that everything is said and done, and it is certain that the children have left their footprints in my life, I'm just glad that I wasn't just a passerby in the children life. I was one of their many teachers, someone who taught them something. I was once teacher Melissa.

Renovating Dookoo's semi-d

Project planned in Dec 2008, finally was carried out on 9th Feb 2009, Monday. Dookoo's semi-d was finally renovated... Project involving,

The mathematician who calculated the composition of paint used, serving drinks to workers and also provided music for entertainment purposes.

the noisy entertainer

Oma d artist who got sunburn after working under d sun...
Sab sab , the part time worker
the painter who tried to fit into the cage in order to paint the interior

and last but not least, the supervisor aka owner of the house...


Finally, after all the sweat and hardwork,
this piece of metal.....
and these few piece of wood,
becomes Dookoo's nice nice semi -d
Although Dookoo is not so rich to buy herself a banglo, but she's happy with what she has....
Now, the world is a much better place......be contented.... :D