Because all these while, deep down inside, it is in there

" pick the path that lights you up. the one you know deep down is the right choice. stop listening to doubt. start connecting with courage. do not let the idea of normal get in the way. it may not be the easy path, but you know great things take effort. lean into your determination. lean into your mission. lean into the real you. "

~ yung pueblo 

do you know that feeling, when someone said something, that resonates in your mind. Those words, that reignite the fire in you. 

Those words, echoing even after the phone call ended, those few words, and the bonds begin to connect, links begin to form, one after another, forming this big vision, of what was, what is, and what could be. 

and all of a sudden, your fire came burning, strong, hard, vigorously, so hot that you start jumping in bubbles, excited to share with the world your whole big plan of what will be. 

You are once again filled with motivation, passion, you remembered, what it's like to run with full speed, you recalled the moments of adrenaline rush, you reflect on seasons of high points, though difficult but full of purpose, full of effort, filled with energy and passion. and you look forward to having that feeling again, the reason to work hard, the race to run, the time of preparation....

and what feels better than that?

it is when someone, by your side, telling you, that, hey, i want to run alongside with you. 

"i am willing to let go of everything to run with you, even if the journey is difficult, but you are there."

i sincerely believe, 

God arranged and plan every single individual you will meet. 

and most of the time, the like minded will gather together. it is this kind of aura that attract each of you to meet, to gather, to come together. 

looking around me, suddenly i realized, they are all here, all around me. and those words that i once shared, came running back at me. This motivation, came back to motivate me. 

I was lost, but now i am found. I was cold but now i am burning again. 

i want to run, i want to fight, i want to be back on track again. 

and You know, that this is the path that, no matter what difficulties come your way, you will be happily burning, so bright, so strong, because it is your calling. 

its not just about not giving up... sometimes, its about not giving in.

today, i learned that as an architect, it is not about giving up or not, but rather whether to give in.

It is often very easy for one to give in to the " what seems like impossible hopeless situation" and change your design, but if you try hard enough, sometimes, you can comply and still keep what you wish to keep.

This is what i learned from my boss today. In fact, only today that i realized that, he has been doing this all these while.

We were working on staircase exit width calculations for the authority submission, and calculations showed that we are lacking of a certain number of staircases. I tried in many ways to achieve, but to be honest, i thought i work all ways...but after seeing what my boss did, i can't say i did anymore. He tried more than all ways, he thought of the right way,left way, up way, down way, side ways, back ways, the compromising way, the sacrificing way, but in all these ways, there are not the cheating ways. Its all the right way...just whether doable or not, and whether how much we are losing.

I did learn a good lesson. If it is definite that we have to lose something, what we are losing and how much are we giving away do make a big big difference. You dont jump straight to giving in everything, which of course be the fastest and easiest way, because it is also the most obvious way.
but, you have to try all ways, even the what seems like impossible way, (from the surface only really) ..because if you look hard enough, there will be ways in no ways.... and those ways, are only people with good eyes or good brains can find. Those ways, will only appear if  you take time and patience and effort! ( do not forget effort) and most importantly, faith. He has faith from the beginning, that it is doable, it is impossible to not comply...unlike me who panicked and stressed out when i can't solve, and actually if i was the one handling, i have already given up. because that day, honestly, i have already texted him if we can sacrifice those retail space. But he didn't let me do that, instead he came back, and tried, and tried, and tried, and tried, till finally....today, we got it! the number we needed!

oh the revelation of this scenario.

so, note to self,

Dear Melissa,

I know you do not give up easily, but you need to learn to not give in easily too, which is something you tend to do often. Because, in a lot of situations, it doesn't require you to give up to lose, sometimes, when you give in too quickly, you lose so much that it is not much of a difference to losing all.

so next time, try every ways you can, including the way no one has tried, and see from all angles and perspective, because putting your feet down on the least option that you can pick.

conclusion, don't just take the easy way out, take the good way, the right way, the best way.
becauseeeeee........

losing more is closer to losing all while losing less is closer to losing nothing at all.

and i do not mean the competition kind of win or lose, but more of the gain and lose kind of lose. if you get what i mean. oh, that will be if i get what i mean... since this is note to self. lol.

when did you last write

One of my resolution this year is to write something every day.  Be it a short passage,  a reflection of the day,  a quote to remember, lesson learned,  notes to be jotted down or simply conversations that have took place. 

Someone told me once,  that it's not real unless you write it down.  And I want to write something down everyday so that when the year ends, I can reflect on the things and events that happened.  And I have bad memories, I tend to forget a lot of things.  Those things that I remember are the things I have spent time writing it down. and in this life,  there are many things and people that i do not wish to forget. 

Since young, I have always been writing diaries and journals. Those days about being angry after fights and arguments with my siblings,  crushes in highschool, disappointments in college,  happiness and gratefulness in many destination and stages of life. 

Reading back on those posts and feelings never fail to give me revelations in the journey of growing up.

And through the years of writing,  it made me realized that... 

You don't need beautiful words to start writing, 

You don't need a great story to move your pen, 

You don't need to be super sad or super happy to make a page worthy, 

All you need is just an honest feeling.  And then writing as if no one in this world will read it will form the most  genuine words. 

" Es ist nur real, wenn du es niederschreibst"

Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.


by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

play on

what's a night of boring work without some good music?

to use your heart and not your brain

if you were given a choice to choose, will you choose to have a fragile heart or a harden heart?

Quoting C.S.Lewis,

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

i find the matter of the heart very important to me. i depend on my heart a lot. there's this thing that i always tell myself when i am about to do something silly like spending nights not sleeping to create gifts that people never even ask for, or might not even appreciate, or when i'm about to embarrass myself to cheer someone up, that is:

" its time to use your heart and not your brain".

confused?

i personally believe that everything that the heart does is towards the advantage of others. for example, when you're about to make a gift for someone, you use your heart and not your brain. Because, if you use your brain, you would possibly end up taking the most practical route; the time and cost efficient way to achieve that goal. But, if you use your heart, all you will think of is how happy the receiving person will be upon receiving this gift; even if it means you have to sacrifice your time, your sleep and your money to put in all your effort in creating that gift. Because what matters to the heart is the other person, but what matters to the brain is, common sense, logical sense, trying to reason all things out and protect yourself. to use the heart is by listening to God's whisper and the holy spirit, to use the brain is like depending on your own wisdom.

i like how C.S.Lewis quote it. "to love at all is to be vulnerable". it hits the point right on. it is true when you uses your heart, you get hurt so easily. To others, it might seem to be the silliest thing to do, when i use my heart. But to me, that's all that matter. emotional? i choose to not take that as emotional. irrational? maybe, but i like to be that way. love isn't at all rational to begin with. Even God's love are all things but rational.

Rational thinking will say, if that person doesn't do you any good and brings harm to you, your brain will tell you to stay away. But God's love says, if that person doesn't love you, love them anyways. love your neighbours but love your enemies more. If someone hits you on the right cheek, offer them your left cheek. Is that rational? totally not. your wisdom will tell you its not worth getting hurt. that person didn't care, why do you even bother? but you will do so, if you use your heart. Because, the heart knows that, doing so is helping that other person, even if it hurts yourself to do so. Of course i'm not saying that one should help the other person blindly with all your heart till the point like stealing or killing for that person. Everything still needs to go according to God's word. 

What i meant is, if someone hurts you in the past, by forgiving that person and continue to help that person, you're risking yourself of being hurt again. In moments like these, your brain will tell you to stay as far as you can from that person, to keep your guard up, to protect yourself. But your heart, will say otherwise. Continue to stay close with that person to help them, that doesn't mean you don't keep your guard up, you do, but you still are willing to risk yourself in getting hurt because doing so is the only way to ensure you are doing no harm to anyone else, except yourself. 

and no, i'm not doing that because i like to hurt myself. But because i have the faith that, God will be the one who will be protecting and watching over me. i leave that part to God. i'm weak, i can't protect myself. but i have a great God who can. He did say in psalm 121:7,

The LORD will keep you from all harm-- he will watch over your life;

And in 2 Thessalonians 3:3 states,

But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one. 

so, all one have to do is use all his heart and all his soul to do God's will, and live according to His word. to use his heart and not his brain to love regardless of whether the person deserves it or not. 

when you are willing to use your heart, you'll realize that you care so much more, be it for the people, animal, the environment or basically anything, everything will matter to you. Having said that, you will also realize, how weak your heart has become. you'll find that many days you'll have a heavy heart because there are so many things that you care about, every little things will strike the heart, your heart will hurt. that's probably why little children cry a lot, because they use their heart in everything they do. i guess that's what C.S.Lewis meant by being vulnerable. 

learning petals

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began,

“We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You’ve got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don’t even know it!There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don’t do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn’t take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.” 

She concluded her speech by courageously singing “The Rose.”

hit d pause button at the right corner, to stop the looping music of the blog. -->  (just above God hears every word :)



tho the song is a little slow n draggy, but i adore the lyrics. the article challenged us to study the lyrics of the song, and live them out in our daily life. clickety click for the full article.



Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is optional. We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give. tats nice.

u're big, and i'm small.

in the midst of ups and downs, rain and shine, dark grey water and pitch black sky, sometimes its difficult to look past all bad things that has happened around us and simply feel good bout being here, being alive, being healthy and being blessed. some days, it becomes so overwhelming and you wondered, why are you lying here on a comfy bed, in a cooling room wrapped in warm blanket and still complains...
though some days you're just contented and grateful, there are always some days where you just take it all for granted.

there are always certain point in life when you ask the questions, what for? what if? what then? what now?
what difference can we really make as a person? how much can we do or even, what can we do?
they say one can make a difference, at least to the other one.  just like that starfish story. but when the moon hangs low, and more things become overwhelming, its difficult to constantly stay within that high spirited happie positive mode.

there are days where you just have a heavy heart.
a heavy heart.
it only proves that you're still breathing, and living.

but where to lead ur heavy heart?

sometimes i let that heavy heart linger a little, and let it remind myself how weak, how tiny, how insignificant i am. in hope that this time will be the time where i'll learn to fully leave things to God, and let the heavy heart lead me back to God.

last time, i've tried.
this time, i'll try.
and till that one day when i try, i'll know how to not try.
for a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near.

every smile worth a little

it always feels good to be appreciated.
it feels even better when u don't have to ask to be appreciated.
i like it when people shows appreciations to one another.
people saying thank you very much with a smile always charms more than a little.

sometimes, always being available and nice tend to make a certain person takes you for granted too easily.
that's when the idea of going far away suddenly seems so tempting even when it means you have to leave everything behind to go to a whole new place all by yourself. all that, just to pass the message that all the things you do, aint something that's "supposed" to happen.

a simple thank you, a simple how are you, a simple bye before ending a conversation, a simple motivation and encouragement, sometimes is all it needs. is it that difficult? but i guess, not everyone get that point right. most of the basic things sometimes just fall into the "not necessary" category. and in the world of short messages and online chat, too many things are taken as unnecessary.

once bitten twice shy

news everywhere is saying the world is gonna end,

it will....

someday...

but i think we'll survive this christmas ...

do you like the umbrella as much as i do?

imagine if there's someone who's actually peeking into your brain?
its even worse than someone reading your diary, because you choose what to write into your diary but you don't really get to choose what to think, until well, you actually start thinking...

i think..
God is peeking into my brain.
O.o
you know how people says God knows what you're thinking even before you say your prayer?

yesterday, i was just like, thinking.. " how nice if ........ could ......"
and i didn't even make this a prayer or what,
and its nothing big or significant even...
its just a little little thought tat i allowed it to linger in my mind for bout 5 seconds....
and no its not bout going for a swim at night.
its much much less significant...

guess what...

today, as i was sitting here,
i suddenly realized,
eii wait. the if...could..... just happened today.

o.O

talk about having a "creepy" God who knows all things! :) and actually making it happen so effortlessly
wow-ed and wow-ing =)

i can't help but to type this "out-loud"

wowwwww
amazing God i have :D
thank You.

delight yourself in the Lord
and he will give you the desires of your heart 
                                                        ~Psalm 37:4

the mean bean theme

for things that matter, 

it's never a waste of time

it'll always be worth doing

aint? 

Nathan is probably a guy who likes poetry

in d car :

oma : tats how its like working in china man company
me : what china man company? ur boss from china?
oma : no. company that only has one public holiday, long hours, keep working.
me : tats racist
oma : no la. tats what people say ma.
me : but why china man?
oma : coz usually they like to calculate tis n tat
me : tats more racist. tis is going into"wat we said"
oma : eh. dun simply say.
me : and tis.
oma : pergi la lu.
me : and tat too
oma: ...
me: and tat. :D

in that grape vineyard

i like how when the lecturer got carried away in his explanation, so excited in sharing his experiences till the theory lesson becomes a philosophy lesson. That is when the sleepy cells decided to go on a road trip and wouldn't be back till midnight.

so he was sharing bout ways to achieve your goal. and it got deep. yet still interesting.

i knew there was a subconscious state of mind, but i didn't know that it was a powerful stage that very much influential in determining whether we'll succeed or fail in our task. So he was sharing, in order to achieve my goal, i would have to keep telling myself in present tense. like, for example, if i want to do my assignment, what i would say is : " i want to finish my assignment by today". but in order to actually do it, i would have to tell myself : " i'm doing my assignment". see? present tense. like, to get rich you don't say you want to get rich. because that, is a desperate statement. its like you're in a needy situation. so, you say you're rich. and as you continue to believe that you are rich. You'll somehow be rich? i think thats what he meant.

hmm. i'm not sure how that works tho, but it somehow got some sense in it. 

and then there is also something about jotting it down and putting it somewhere you can see everyday. as you keep picturing yourself achieving that goal, your subconscious will naturally tuned in to achieve it.

i guess its all about having the right mind set. 

i like listening to stories. not so much of the made up stories, but more of the experiences that people has gone through to become the story. It just make them so much wiser after going through all sort of different paths. it may be happie stories, it may sad stories, nevertheless, its these stories that made them who they are, these stories that form the lines on their faces. 

i often imagine meeting a wise old man, with snowy white hair and a loud loud laugh. or maybe an old couple, where they'll invite me for tea in this small but comfy little house of theirs, in which it is filled with books of their generations and an old wooden piano. Then as we are having tea, he starts sharing on his adventures in how he used to be a soldier or sailor or aircraft fighters or some kind, sharing stories of days when they fought with blood and no fear. and then showing me how he got that big scar on his arm. then the kind lady would bring us more tea, laughing occasionally over jokes only they understand. Then the lady goes on telling how they met each other and finally got together, and how they got involved in mission trips. The journey took a different turn as they start going around places to build churches everywhere. how they started going into small villages to help the kids, watching God's plan unveiled in different ways.

and then perhaps, that will be the time i'll learn fishing and gardening from the wise man and also painting and cooking from the kind lady. Then somewhere along the way, i'll be really surprised to find out that, oh, actually that lady was a really famous architect. o.O and she starts sharing on how commercialized things have become in the industry and its difficult to stay away from the corruption and bad things. and i'll be inspired on not so much on how to be an architect, but how to hold onto doing the right thing while being a person. whether an architect or not. 

isn't that a great day to look forward to. :) 

the pear shaped like an orange with the colour of an apple

edited from Dianna.A's list

tangible : its sweeter on paper than on air

i wonder why people no longer write~ i mean on paper that is.
i find writing letter d most exciting form of mailing ever. it beats any digital mail or short messages on phone.
its always nice to find a coloured envelope with your name on it in the mail box. it never fail to surprise me every single time.

letters and cards always make my day <3 and because of my lovely friends studying abroad that i still get a mail or two once in a blue moon. and i always read it over and over and over again. somehow, no matter how long the letter is, it never seems to be long enough. heh.

don't u think writing letter d sweetest way to express ones wishes and thoughts?
maybe letter seem a bit too much for others, but postcards are always cool. :) so, send me postcards people!! i'll love you guys lots! haha.

ps: i still don't mind long long long long letters tho :) or i can live with letter with just a sentence. heh. in anyweiiiis, send me one ~ :)

He knew even before i ask

GOD has no iPhone, but I talk to him .

He has no Facebook, but he is my friend .

Does not have twitter, but I still follow Him.

And even without internet, I’m still in

contact with Him.

~unknown

of the songs we sang and the 14 hours we spent

and they say i'm smiling like

                                                                             ^ ^

                                                      \_______________________/

did i?

erm. i'm going to bed.

coherent or not, you hear your heart says

you know how ancient architecture used to take more than a hundred years to complete?
and i often wonder, why would the builder be willing to do so..
he knew from the start he'll never get to see his works being completed and done within his lifetime.
All his hardwork, efforts and glory will only be passed down from one generation to another, and before being able to witness his work of art standing before him, or better yet get to enjoy what his effort leads, he'll move on to be with God.


what make him still went for it?


it didn't only work for builders,
many things,  we don't see the immediate result, or perhaps maybe, never get to,
but, that doesn't give us the reason to refrain from beginning.




so now i figured, 
it simply means even when what you started may not have any obvious result till when its time for you to moved on,
what is done will be what's done and it is something even if there is nothing to be seen.
it is somehow beautiful to believe that, what you begin may lead to something beautiful which someone, at some point, would complete it, in a way, for you. 


or even if, it is never completed, what you did make it quite impossible for you to imagine what could have been if you have never ever started. 

the red faced peach colour girl

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.


Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"


God said, "When I made the woman she had to be special.


I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,
yet gentle enough to give comfort.
I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.
I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.


And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."


"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.


The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

By: Navin Jethmalani