Because all these while, deep down inside, it is in there

" pick the path that lights you up. the one you know deep down is the right choice. stop listening to doubt. start connecting with courage. do not let the idea of normal get in the way. it may not be the easy path, but you know great things take effort. lean into your determination. lean into your mission. lean into the real you. "

~ yung pueblo 

do you know that feeling, when someone said something, that resonates in your mind. Those words, that reignite the fire in you. 

Those words, echoing even after the phone call ended, those few words, and the bonds begin to connect, links begin to form, one after another, forming this big vision, of what was, what is, and what could be. 

and all of a sudden, your fire came burning, strong, hard, vigorously, so hot that you start jumping in bubbles, excited to share with the world your whole big plan of what will be. 

You are once again filled with motivation, passion, you remembered, what it's like to run with full speed, you recalled the moments of adrenaline rush, you reflect on seasons of high points, though difficult but full of purpose, full of effort, filled with energy and passion. and you look forward to having that feeling again, the reason to work hard, the race to run, the time of preparation....

and what feels better than that?

it is when someone, by your side, telling you, that, hey, i want to run alongside with you. 

"i am willing to let go of everything to run with you, even if the journey is difficult, but you are there."

i sincerely believe, 

God arranged and plan every single individual you will meet. 

and most of the time, the like minded will gather together. it is this kind of aura that attract each of you to meet, to gather, to come together. 

looking around me, suddenly i realized, they are all here, all around me. and those words that i once shared, came running back at me. This motivation, came back to motivate me. 

I was lost, but now i am found. I was cold but now i am burning again. 

i want to run, i want to fight, i want to be back on track again. 

and You know, that this is the path that, no matter what difficulties come your way, you will be happily burning, so bright, so strong, because it is your calling. 

where are we at right now?

who knew? who could have foreseen? who would have expected, the entire world to be where we are at right now?

some mornings still seem surreal, but it is happening, it is happening right now indeed.

have you ever have thoughts that go through your mind like, how nice if the world can just stop for a second? i did, and it just happened few months ago, when i was attending so many different classes and events daily, getting worn out, and this thought just flew across, if only, if only the world could just stop for a moment. a moment where there are no classes, no events to attend, no socializing, everything could just pause for a second.

and the next thing we know, the world really did stop.
everything stop. classes are cancelled, works are slowed down, even church events are cancelled.

this time, it got me thinking? am i doing what i really want to be doing? or am i doing it just because it is expected of me?

these are the questions to ponder upon....

but through it all, one thing remains. God is the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow.
He knew. He has foreseen.

Be Strong and Courageous

No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.

" Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:5-9

都不对了

有些日子， 已不是刻意或不小心的记得，而是，因为多年的累积而演变成习惯。
但此时此刻，一切都不对了
时间不对，
地点不对，
感觉不对，
身份更加不对。。

可是，没有后悔什么，也不是想抱怨什么，
人生嘛，总会有一些遗憾的，
不是遗憾得不到，而是遗憾这辈子都不会知道。
若时间倒流，可能一切也还是会一样。

因为，我们都是一样的我们，周边的事也是一样

但有时候，还是会忍不住想想，是哪里的点，碰不着， 哪一条线，接不上，明明我们就那么的努力尝试，那么的努力配合。 可能，暗地里所做的还真的不如明显的表现。真的是被我们的那一点高傲的自尊心给毁了。
曾经的确认与相信，却给任性与犹豫冲淡了，消失得无影无终，所剩下的，
就只有这一些，我记你不记的日子。

人啊，真是个愚蠢的动物

所能做能也就在九千厘之外，送上安静的祷告，以感谢，所知或不知，暗地或明显，曾努力或不曾努力中，所做的一切。。。

可能，或许，有一天，在另一个世界里，我们会知道一个答案， 也或许，当这一天来临时，那答案一不关紧要了

dream come true

have you ever thought,

what if,
all of a sudden,
you got that realization,
that everything you have right now, at this second, this moment,
is all you have ever wished for?

what would that feeling be?
will you be really happy? satisfied? excited? overwhelmed?
i thought i would be.

but in reality,
when it happened to me, before it struck me, i was complaining.

the room of my dreams,
with that peaceful courtyard view, looking out at the autumn leaves,
two huge windows up above, looking into the blue blue skies and fluffy clouds.

the course of my ambition,
with the amazing variety of students and professors,
freedom of all sorts, choices of all kinds.

the travel around the world experiences,
with budget airlines and affordable travels,
to countries i can only dreamed of within hours.

the freedom of the life i've always wanted,
to do anything anytime, to be anywhere.

it is still unbelievable to believe this but
God really answered my prayers,
He gave me all these, all these that i have always wanted,
undeserving as I am, yet He still blessed me with all these.
Not just all these but so much more, more than I can ever dream of.

He gave me friends who love and care,
He gave me sisters that are always there.
The guidance and fellowship that i always craved for,
He gave it all to me.

What more, what more can i ask for?


i should be ashamed to even have the slightest thought of complaining.
God has done so much, so so much for me,
I should be the one doing something,
doing something for him.


Dear God,

Thank you for all that you have given to me, all that I have, I surrender myself and praise you to the end of the earth. How can i ever thank you enough?

In realization of all these, I am immensely grateful.
and for this moment, i just want to pause a moment, and absorb this all, for i do not know, how long more do i have, to own this moment........

Good Good Father

I've heard a thousand stories of what they think you're like

But I've heard the tender whispers of love in the dead of night
And you tell me that you're pleased
And that I'm never alone

You're a good good father
It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am

I've seen many searching for answers far and wide
But I know we're all searching
For answers only you provide
'Cause you know just what we need
Before we say a word

You're a good good father
It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am

Because you are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways to us

You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways to us

Oh, it's love so undeniable
I, I can hardly speak
Peace so unexplainable
I, I can hardly think
As you call me deeper still
As you call me deeper still
As you call me deeper still
Into love, love, love

You're a good good father
It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am

You're a good good father
It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am
You're a good good father

It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am
You're a good good father

You are perfect in all of your ways
It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
And I'm loved by you
You are perfect in all of your ways
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am

This song, really express what i am feeling currently. So overwhelmed by His love, His blessing, and all the things that He has given me.

"Oh, it's love so undeniable

I, I can hardly speak
Peace so unexplainable
I, I can hardly think"

My good good father, 

its who you are, 

that gave me what i am yesterday, today and tomorrow. 

Thank you Father Lord Jesus, for choosing me, to even have the chance to know you, and be Your children. I can no longer imagine my life without You. and I glad, again and again, You helped me to choose You, over all other things. May i always be able  to choose You in my life, You as my saviour, You as my priority, You as the truth and the light, You as my guidance, You as my strength, You as the throne. 

Thank you Lord, for all the love that you have given to me. I want to know You more. Thank you God, You're beautiful, gracious and wonder almight God. You created heaven and earth. The stars in the sky, and the shade  and every colour of this earth. Amazing God. Thank you Father, my good good Father. <3 div="">

Feelings

Officially 3 days to go.

luggage packing is a mess.
my feeling is in a mess.
thoughts are everywhere,
gifts everywhere...
yet there is one thing for sure.

It is God who made all these possible.
In d midst of all these rushing here and there, sending and receiving farewell gifts, last minute shoppings, last minute meeting up and all... i thought i should stop a moment to absorb all this, and to thank God for a little.

look unto Him despite of all things, all the mess, all the anticipation, all the hopes and dreams.
just stay still for a little to reflect on all things.

He has made this possible, and its finally happening.

Firstly, he sent a senior there before me. before any of these even begin. Just so this day will arrive where i can have some guidance and reliance.

then, he provided a best buddy to pick up the language. He provided the best teacher i could ever find to teach us, to prepare us, so that we did not just learn the language but the culture, and forming such special bonds.

all those, happened, and i was still clueless of what is to become.

and then, he offered a preposition through my boss. The motivation and opportunity that gave courage. and before all that, he gave the word that says : " Opportunity gives courage", the resolution of taking chances that begin in 2017.

It all came inline now. Connecting the dots.
It was my sister who witness me winning the award back in 2012. It is her who's supporting me to achieve my dream now.

He planned the cell group who gave me a prayer support system, the letting go of my heart on my sister's case, the love for my family, to surrender all things to Him, to taking this step, of finally going to achieve my dream.

God had it all planned. The roommate, the placement, the mail courier, the projects, the closed doors to Australia universities, the rejected scholarship, the relationships formed, the kindness of the consultants, the experienced seniors, the kind colleagues. He had it all planned.

Every step of the way, he was there, and he is still here. i can almost feel Him, sitting next to me, encouraging.

Thank you my Father Lord Jesus.
Thank you God for everything that You have given to me.
Despite all the mistakes that i have done, the rebellious heart, the ignorant mind...
Yet You still choose to bless me with my dream.
Your grace, Your love, is so amazingly great.
Greater than all things in the world,
greater than anyone can ever give.

I thank you Lord with all my heart and all my soul.
and I pray oh Lord, that i'll stay close to You throughout this new phase of life,
that i will not forget Your love, and keep close to Your teaching.
Teach me Dear Lord to hold unto You in all things, to consider You in all ways, and to renew my love to You every day just as You renew our strength.

thank you Lord for this day.
for this i give thanks to Your glory, to your grace, to Your name.
In Jesus name i pray,
Amen

of preparations

what happened to the resolution of writing something everyday? 

life happened, work happened, applications and news happened!

so many things happened since the last post, which leading me to where am i today. lying on bed with a new laptop on lap with a mind full of thoughts and fingers not knowing where to start typing. 

It was supposed to be a next year plan. 

but like what its stated in the bible. You can always plan your ways, but God will determine your steps. 

According to my plan, none of these were supposed to happen this year. i would still be saving till next year, with another year of working experience and more time to figure out where do i really want to go. 

but God's way, always work in ways we never expect, amazing ways, and always far better than what we plan/desire. 

but even at this stage, in the midst of the visa application, i still dare not believe that this is really happening. This is really happening. Let's pray that everything will go smoothly. 

walking away

Some days,  I get really angry... So angry and heartbroken instead of scolding or expressing my anger,  all I want to do is just walk away..  To walk away from all of these nonsense just so they will know or realize what they have done.. But then again, if they didn't listen in the first place,  will walking away helps. 

There are times when I throw tantrums, showing temper,  speak of unkind words..... but those moments,  those hurtful,  heartbreaking ones are the ones that leave me wordless,  too painful to speak,  too at lost to say anything.  At those moments,  I turn to the Bible and flip to find words of wisdom.  And God's words always come through.

This evening I was really angry.  Angry at all the silence admist the wrongs...  Heartbroken at all the wrong doings, even more angry at the all the people who allow these things wrongdoings...  I was angry at the people I love most,  people whom I care most,  so angry that I wish I felt like just writing a long letter and just leave these words to them and go.  Or even worse, maybe I could just walk away without leaving any words...  Maybe then they will slowly reflect on their wrongdoing.  Or will they never know.  There were so many thoughts that went through,  what if I just scream at them of the things that I think just aren't right,  what if I just throw all their things away to express my unhappiness or disapproval,  will it then help?  Will they be sorry for what they are doing?  Or will they be angry at the angry person and felt of injustice. Will they question my behavior, will they understand the source of my anger?  Will they feel my heartache?  Will they even know what's going through in my head?  Or even in my heart? 

And today,  I flipped open the book " A Love Worth Giving", and again God spoken. 

The first sentence, 
Love is not rude. 

See how God speaks? 
Love is not rude.  It is not rude!!! 
Of all the things that I have thought of doing.  None of those are NOT Rude.  All the things that went past my mind are the rudest,  meanest, most horrible way to handle the situation.  How ashamed I should be. 

If God were to do what I thought to do whenever I did something wrong,  where will I be now? 

If God were to scream at me of all my wrongdoings, 
If God were to throw all my things away to express His disapproval of my wrongdoings, 
If God were to list down a long letter of all the wrong things that I have done in the past,  will I then reflect on my wrongs? 
Or worse, 
If God were to walk away from my life,  without even leaving a single word, will I have any idea what I have done wrong?  Will I reflect as they will reflect?
Will I be sorry then as they will be sorry? 

How little am I as a person in comparison to the almighty God.
How rude am I a person in comparison to His actions,
How low as I a human in comparison to His ways,
How ashamed I should be in comparison to His grace?

His love is not rude.  If I have any love in me,  how can I be rude?  If I truly love them as God loves me,  how can I even think of those ways to treat them? 

In the book it says, 
God calls us to a higher, more noble concern.  Not "What are my rights? " but "What is loving? "
Do I have the right to state my disapproval?  Yes,  but is it loving to do so? 
Is it within my right to ignore and not speak to them? Yes,  but is it loving to act this way? 
Is it my right to not do the things that I think they are not doing?  Yes, but will that shows my love to them? 

Common courtesy honors God and his children.  " Do your best to live in peace with everyone" (Roman 12:18). Just do your best.  You can't control their attitude,  but you can manage yours. 

Dear God, 

Thank you for reminding me this in time before I did anything I will regret my entire life for.  Hurtful words spoken cant be retrieved, broken hearts can't be mend. But with You dear Lord,  You made all things seem possible.  Maybe all these happened not to change them,  but to change my perspective, for You have a greater plan.  I know You will not forsake Your children.  If they choose to love you,  You will always always...  be with them.  Sorry for all the tantrums throwing and nonsense thoughts,  but Your grace never fail to teach me lessons, and each time You make me realize,  how much more that I have to learn.  Thank you God for holding me close.  Thank You Lord for showing me grace.  Unworthy as I am. Thank you God. 

In Jesus Name I pray
Amen

Lord I Need You

Lord i come, i confess
bowing here i find my rest
without you, i fall apart
you're the one that guides my heart

Lord i need you, oh i need you
every hour i need you
my one defense my righteousness
oh God i need you

Where sin runs deep
Your grace is more
where grace is found
is where you are
where you are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

So teach my songs to rise to you
when temptation comes my way
when i cannot stand i'll fall on you
Jesus You're hope and stay

How Good is our Lord?

Again and again, 
He never fail to amaze me 
How good is our Lord? 

 Despite all the mistakes, 
 given and taken away, 
 yet still He is willing to forgive us.
 After all the bad decisions I've made, 
 and just one silent prayer i whispered, 
 He immediately made things happen. 
 you may think He is silent, 
 you may think He didnt care,  
but all He is doing was waiting 

waiting for you to see that He's there. 
Waiting for you to realize His presence, 
 waiting for you to give up the wheel, 
 waiting for you to acknowledge Him 
 and let Him take control. 

 How Good is our Lord? 
 Of the many times i have failed Him, 
 of the many times i ignore His call, 
 He was silent in His waiting, 
 waiting for me to let go of it all.

 He knew i will come back to Him, 
 even before i know i would, 
 He had faith in me knowing, 
 even when I lost faith in Him when i shouldnt. 

 How Good is our Lord? 
 Of the times when i doubted and complained, 
 He stood there listen to my whining, 
 at the times when i cried and in pain, 
He helped me whenever i call. 

 and when I finally did acknowledge His presence, 
 the moment the heart decides to return, 
 He immediately answer my prayer, 
 as much as i didnt deserve. 

 How Good is our Lord? 
 for it is not by our will or by our actions, 
 that we are measured for what we are given,
 It is not by our faith or behaviour,
 that we are given what we own. 

 He gives even when we fail Him, 
 He gives even when we fall, 
 He is our loving Father in heaven, 
 on earth and forevermore.

through the eyes of faith

God is good
all the time
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good
all the time
through the darkest night, His light will shine
God is good, God is good
all the time

If you're walking through the valley
and there are shadows all around
Do not fear He will guide you
He will keep you safe and sound
Cause He has promised to never leave you
Nor forsake you and His word is true

God is good all the time
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good all the time
through the darkest night, His light will shine
God is good, God is good all the time

we are sinners and so unworthy
Still for us He chose to die
filled us with His Holy Spirit
Now we can stand and testify
that His love is everlasting
and His mercies- they will never end

God is good all the time
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good all the time
Through the darkest night, His light will shine
God is good, God is good, all the time

Though I may not understand
All the plans He left for me
My life is in Your hands
And through the eyes of faith, I can clearly see

God is good all the time
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good all the time
Through the darkest night, His light will shine
God is good, God is good all the time

Turn If Off

by Cindy Hess Kasper

" Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while. " Mark 6:31

When our kids were young, we took a trip to northern Wisconsin to visit my grandparents. They didnt get very good reception on their television, but TV wasn't much of a priority with them. After I had seen our son Scott fiddling with the TV set for a while, he asked with frustration, " What do you do if you can get only one channel and you don't like what's on that one?"

"Try turning it off," I said with a smile. Not exactly the advice he was hoping for. It's even more difficult to do now, especially when there are so many devices that entertain, inform and distract us.

Sometimes we do need to just turn it all off and rest our minds for a little while; we simply need to "unplug". Jesus often drew aside for a time--especially when He wanted to take time to pray (Matt. 14:13). He encouraged the disciples to step away as well -- even for a brief time (Mark 6:31). That kind of solitude and time for reflection is beneficial for each of us. In those moments we are able to draw near to God.

Follow the example and wisdom of Christ. Get away by yourself and "rest a while". It will be good for your body, mind and spirit.

Lord, help me to seek those things which are from above. I want to turn off all that distracts me and draw near to You. 

Turning down the volume of life allows you to listen carefully to God. 

adapted from Our Daily Bread

Juruselamatku

Walau kuharus berjalan
Dalam lembah kekelaman
Perlindungan-Mu Oh Tuhan
Nyatalah bagi hidupku

 Tiada pernah sedetik pun
Tiada pernah Kau tinggalkan
Sungguh mulia dan sempurna
Hanya Kau layak disembah

Yesus Engkau Juru s’lamatku
Dalam janji-Mu kemenanganku
Selamanya ‘kan kunyatakan
Besar setia-Mu Tuhan
Di hidupku

helpless

just read another article that made me so mad and angry, leaving me so disappointed and horrified by how cruel and ugly this world has become.

disappointed in  the world because God has created everyone so beautifully,  imagining an artist, putting in His effort to paint every brush, picking His colour so carefully, applying every stroke with careful yet firm, gentle yet definite moves. He put in so much effort, having so much hope in His work, bt the outcome of a supposedly beautiful and perfect image is now rotting right below His nose. The cruel truth of humanity, the inhumane actions of certain group of people.  Imagine the heartache.

Feeling angry. Angry because here I stood, being just another person to read bout it, maybe the one thing I can do is to share bout it, but in truth, doing nothing to change the situation. Overwhelmed by how these horrible things can happen, disgusted by how power and authority can give people the ability to treat others in ways no one should be treated, abusing their given power in the ugliest way one can imagine.

Feeling helpless, because I studied so much but still have no idea how to help the people who are being abused. Horrified by how fast the society of the powerful, selfish, and cruel side is growing, horrified by how innocent and sad are the powerless and weak being abused; horrified by how isolated are the commons living in their own bubble as made-up picture perfect stories are being fed into their eyes and ears. 3 categories of people. and here I am wondering if I should even be glad that im in the 3rd category. I should of course be grateful that Im not in the category that abuse, or the category that being abused, but am I allowed to be happie and celebrate about this fact?

Let's not get started with the ugly sides of politics,  even those that are happening right infront of my eyes, even those... I dare not do anything about. I cant even protect a poor and helpless dog who cant speak for himself. sorry Diki :'(.

Human trafficking, child abuse, refugees being ill treated, inhumane living conditions of the foreigners,  ill-treated foreign maids, corruptions, slavery, prostitution, the cruel killing of animals and nature and it hurts me to say, the list goes on. all because of the sinful nature of greed, desire and selfishness. to feed one's sinful desire. first hand stories ive heard, but how can I help?

sometimes I wish, someone will have the superpower to stop it all. to change everything. that one day, all these will be gone. because is slavery really gone? no, it just transformed into a different form. if only I can have the superpower to change people's mind.

but I know God is the only one who has the superpower. How I wish to believe that this world will one day be sin free and picture perfect again, just like how He intended it to be in the first place, but whoever knows the bible know that its not going to happen. Not in this world. This world will only turn worse. People will only become uglier at heart and things are only going to get worse. Only those who believe can be saved, those who are willing can leave this world to the sin free place.

But the thought of that amount of people are going to die with this world scares me. The fear of how ugly this world is going to become before its end saddens me, what can I do? dear Lord, what can I do to help?? T-T

Stand in the gap

i am nervous.
i am nervous to see the change.
i am nervous to be voting for the first time.
i am nervous to see what will happen.
i am nervous to be part of making it happen.
i am nervous.

my heart is skipping
my legs are fidgeting
my mind is playing faster than flashbacks.

i am nervous but i'm not scared, for I know our God will be with us.
i am nervous but i am prepared, for I know our God has chosen this for us.
let us all pray for a better future.
let us pray for a fair election.
let us pray that the voices be heard, actions be taken, and changes be made.
let us pray, and believe, that tomorrow will be different! :)

wherever You may lead i will follow

Shepherd of my soul
I give you full control,
Wherever You may lead
I will follow

I have made the choice
to listen for Your voice,
Wherever You may lead
I will go

Be it in a quiet pasture
or by a gentle stream
The Shepherd of my soul is by my side.

Should I face a mighty mountain
or a valley dark and deep
The Shepherd of my soul will be my guide.

Shepherd of my soul
Oh You have made me whole
Where’er I hear You call
how my tears flow

How I feel your love
how I want to serve
I gladly give my heart to You O – Lord.

Be it in the flowing river or in the quiet night
The Shepherd of my soul is by my side.Should I face the stormy weather or the dangers of this world
The Shepherd of my soul will be my guide.