the heart is a weird weird thing

i really don't understand my heart, can never satisfied it, no matter what i do, it always wants something else.

the heart used to tell me :

i would give everything to have the chance to travel the world,
how great would my life be if i can be studying architecture abroad, best is europe,
i wish that i have less duties to perform, living with my family, its difficult to don't care, how nice if i can don't care without having to feel guilty,
how wonderful it would be to be able to read a book under a tree in the open field, without having to worried of being rob.
how amazing if i can travel alone to different places, not having to worry about money,
how how how great if i have my own room, own time, own freedom.....
how nice if i have my own kitchen and do my groceries and plan my own meals,
how nice if theres a cheap gym,
oh, what would campus life be.
how great if i can go out with friends without having to be guilty for being out late,

and at that time, i worked hard, trying different ways, spotting opportunities, research scholarships, did so many things, and finally on this day the heart have all these.....

the freedom, the opportunity, the luxury, the travels, the views, the tree, the libraries, the gym, the campus, the friends....


and then now, the heart misses that simple life that the heart used to have when the heart was wishing for all these things that the heart now has,

the heart now misses the simple life that it used to have,
the family time every sunday where everyone just sit together in the living room, even if none were really chatting, but just being there.
the joy of throwing pillows at each other, being bugged to turn off the lights even when im not sleepy,
the freedom of walking in shopping malls, easily and conveniently anytime, anywhere, with anyone
the kitchen where you don't have to think of your own meal, and there's always food on the stove, and fruits in the fridge.
the guilt for staying late, so you know there's someone waiting, watching, worrying about your being.
and now, the heart wishes to trade back all of these, to get back all of those...
dear heart,

why are you never satisfied? why aren't you always grateful, yes, i understand how blessed the heart has been, being answered all prayers, so gracefully, but only through it all, the heart finally realized, what the heart really need, what the heart really want.

not the opportunity to go far and wide, but the company to go with,
not to be friends with the whole world, but to have that few that has always been there no matter where, no matter what.
not to be rich and famous and adventurous, but to be grateful, peaceful and simple.
not the size of a big own room, but a cozy warm familiar room.
not that quiet life of having own thinking time, but to have the noise of different siblings telling stories of their day, nonsense all the way.
not the jaw dropping, breathtaking view of foreign mountains, but to hike the peaceful backyard hill of the city i belong in.
not the fancy expensive pinterest-like cuisines, but that familiar pot with fragrance of home.


but the heart will never know these, not even when a hundred tell,
because the heart doesn't listen and is a very stubborn being.
but now that the heart has experienced it all, the heart knows,
that all the heart wants, is really, to go home.

follow your heart

they like to say,

" Follow your heart"

and it seems like its the right thing to do.

But what if,

it requires you to go against everyone's logical reasoning?
it causes you to break a promise you made earlier?
it leads you onto an endless wait?
it makes you seems irresponsible, impractical, illogical?

do you still follow your heart?

when everyone thinks otherwise, when financial pressure start building up, when people's impression of you changed, when unpleasant words are being said,

do you still follow your heart?

God has a plan for us all, and indeed, His plan is always the best for us.
It is easy to accept if His plan is for us to excel, to achieve success, to gain something. but what if His plan for us is somewhat to fail now for His bigger plan? Do we then can still accept that arrangement with faith?

What if following your heart is what everyone else perceived as something wrong, do you pursue that route?

Having a long history of humankind, this world has form a certain standards they put to measure people, a set of perspective, books of rules to follow. If it requires you to not follow the norm, to set a new perspective, to take the road less taken, brings you on a roller coaster ride and puts you in an uncomfortable situation, do you still follow your heart?

Following your heart then became a really big word, an even bigger challenge, a not so easy phase to go through, but even a bigger reason to hold on to, to follow your heart.

Because, it is only when you allow yourself to try, that it leaves you with no regrets, that in years from now, when you are left with no decisions to make, that you will not wonder, and you wouldn't be left thinking, what if....

what if you just had the courage...

to follow your heart.

definitely, maybe

today, i watched the movie again when it showed on Diva. its like my 5th time watching it? its still as good as the first. how they depict complicated stuff in a two hours movie in the simplest form, through telling a story to a kid.

how easy would life be, if we were all able to do that, having a narrator telling us what to do with our life? just that in that movie, the narrator was the main actor himself. it always seems much clearly when you tell someone the story of your life, and as you summarize it up into words, things begin to make sense. maybe that's why i'm always telling my friends stories. things just doesn't quite make sense in my brain. if i ever have the chance to step foot into my brain, i would imagine it being a big colourful messy space with things flying around, and dusts on many quotes. hah. that would be a nice picture to doodle about. my brain. (keep that in note)

how nice, if i can just watch my life being played like a movie, clearly narrated, maybe i'll know what to do then. but then again, there would be too many embarrassing moments and scenes that i wouldnt dare watching it again. horrible. possibly rated thriller.

a kid. if all adults can be as genuine as a kid, to think innocently as a kid... if i can be a kid again, wouldnt life be more colourful then?

definitely, maybe.

letting words out

to the one who loves the outdoor, to the one who needs no car,
to the one who sing with the birds and fall asleep below the stars,
you'll tell me you love nature, sunset and sunrise just as much
no fear of the wild jungle, no mud you would not touch.

seeking no proof of truth, your eyes being your only clue,
no google needed to find, intuitions are your rules,
windows can be the pallet, feathers being the tool,
with trees and leaves falling, no problems for you too cruel.

staying away from the people but still you can feel,
pulling away from the world but clear you can see still,
no news announcements of things done, yet willing are you to do,
no judgement forcing trends, just plainly genuinely wants to.

curly fringe, knee length shorts, wind that blows right through,
by the waterfall, water splashed, rock and pebbles flew,
the call of a name, singing aloud, echoing round and round
barefoot on earth, warm feet cold town, with our hearts tied to the ground.

if i'm far from my dreams, here in my life, how should i expect to see,
if i'm at a place where i don't belong, how near could you have been,
unless i go all out, go far out, go chase the free flow cloud,
jump right into my dreams, just be brave, just be loud.

u can't keep doing what u do

has been awhile since last stream music on youtube.. found tis song n love it. Again.

 



only through God alone, will it be when all what seems lost, will be found.

im not saying goodbye

with colour or without?

sometimes less is more,

sometimes its not.

but what about this time? 

wonder why its pixelated. click in to see clearer. 

to give or not to give

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. Notice that faith is
"not from yourselves, it is the gift of God."


And if that weren't clear enough, Paul reinforces his point by saying that your salvation is "not by works" (i.e., not by anything you accomplished) because if it were then you could boast. But, since God does everything to bring about your salvation, you cannot boast (c.f. Romans 3:27).

~christ notes

but we didn't really talk

" it's a little crazy, actually. As the time approaches, we remove the cages, and then we dig a shallow trench from the nest to the water's edge, making it as smooth as possible, but high enough on the sides so the turtles can only go in one direction. And it's weird, because at first only a couple of eggs are moving, but it's like their movement is enough to set the whole nest going, and before you know it, the nest is like a crazy beehive on steroids. The turtles are climbing over each other to get out of the hole, and then they hit the sand and head toward the water in this little crablike parade. It's amazing."

phase 2. 

the dilemma between wanting to quickly get to the end of the story; and wanting to not read that quickly just so the book will last a little little longer.









i guess its d same in life aint.

Go for pro or handy ???

After surveying, dragging, see see look look -ing, n saving $$ for 2 years, I have finally decided. This is the time to hit the hammer!!! Now, the problem is, should I go for handy or pro??!! Aint suppose to rush for decision but time's running out!!! Uni starting in July, though don't even know where am I heading. Want to go photo trip with friends before starting uni!!! So, I'm gonna spent this as a birthday present for myself!!! ok, so now, here's the question. DSLR or compact digital camera??? If DSLR, Canon or Nikon??


If DSLR, I'm thinking of this beauty...............

Nikon D60

10.2 mega pixels
ISO ranging from 100 to 1600
2.5 LCD screen with 230,000 pixels resolution,
suitable for beginners yet friendly to pro

2nd option would be....

Canon EOS 400D

here's the link to the result of comparison between these two beauties
http://www.dpreview.com/reviews/compare_post.asp?method=sidebyside&cameras=nikon_d60%2Ccanon_eos400d&show=all

one more important note, Nikon is cheaper than Canon. It was a year ago when I last checked the price, should drop in the sense of price but not ratio right. Originally, it was RM2388 :RM2499

Personally, I will prefer to get a DSLR, can change settings manually, more challenging, which also means more fun. But DSLR is so bulky and the price is almost double of the compact ones. Extra troublesome for parties and camwhoring session with friends. But DSLR helps me learn more about photography, needless to say on the quality sense, DSLR also allows me to play around with the shutter speed. And I absolutely admire the "chik chak" sound when a picture is taken. *wink wink. Yet, noisy shutter sound/ pop up flash noise, seems rather attracting attention, however, the Nikon D60 has softer shutter sound, which fits just perfectly in between to have the sound (DSLR) and to not have the sound(compact digital camera). Summarising in two words for DSLR, its versatility and image quality. haiz...still...very bulky la..n heavy...yet, there are always sacrifices to make. so I guess, have to say goodbye to the stylish, light and handy camera...

canon Ixus 100 IS

Canon SD970 IS

Is this really the time for DSLR? or should I just get a compact camera first, and DSLR later?
Anyway, the final decision has yet to be made.

Any comment people?? I need comments and advice...

lam oi...mei xian...help~~~

hmm...

To be or not to be ; that is the question.

Coming SOon.....

Twilight the movie is coming out in 12th Disember 2008.......should I watch?? SHould I not watch??

What if after watching....Edward will no longer be the same Edward in the book and Bella will no longer be the Bella in the book.......oh no....not in a dilemma again??!!!!


should I??

Should I not??

Should?


Shouldn't??




ARGH......

for those who're also in this dilemma.....
here's the trailer......



Ey....what's your decision??