who knew? who could have foreseen? who would have expected, the entire world to be where we are at right now?
some mornings still seem surreal, but it is happening, it is happening right now indeed.
have you ever have thoughts that go through your mind like, how nice if the world can just stop for a second? i did, and it just happened few months ago, when i was attending so many different classes and events daily, getting worn out, and this thought just flew across, if only, if only the world could just stop for a moment. a moment where there are no classes, no events to attend, no socializing, everything could just pause for a second.
and the next thing we know, the world really did stop.
everything stop. classes are cancelled, works are slowed down, even church events are cancelled.
this time, it got me thinking? am i doing what i really want to be doing? or am i doing it just because it is expected of me?
these are the questions to ponder upon....
but through it all, one thing remains. God is the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow.
He knew. He has foreseen.
Showing posts with label i dunno wat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label i dunno wat. Show all posts
Monday, April 27, 2020
Thursday, November 29, 2018
a mess
aiyai yai yai yai
it is so obvious.
this thesis process has made me realized, how messy are my thoughts, my stuff. Whether is the files on my harddisk. the photos, the list of books i want to read, the list of movies i want to watch, the list of lists even. the number or sketchbook, the number of notebook....so many so many different things.
My Life is in a mess.
not the bad harmful kind of mess. just the the things are so messy i cant see clearly kind of mess.
the Bar architects said, don't be afraid to simplify things, if it can shows what you want to say..
the same messy process of my thesis is the exact scenario of my brain.
arghh...this is tough. really challenging me. i'm usually very hopeful on a lot of things, but this mess got so big, i'm not sure if i can handle it. not my thesis i mean, my life and experiences.
maybe i don't really need to organize them. do i? heh....
maybe i need a one year break, just to freeze everything and organize my life. but then, i can't exactly escape life....now that is one thing i really need to learn, how to organize my life!
it is so obvious.
this thesis process has made me realized, how messy are my thoughts, my stuff. Whether is the files on my harddisk. the photos, the list of books i want to read, the list of movies i want to watch, the list of lists even. the number or sketchbook, the number of notebook....so many so many different things.
My Life is in a mess.
not the bad harmful kind of mess. just the the things are so messy i cant see clearly kind of mess.
the Bar architects said, don't be afraid to simplify things, if it can shows what you want to say..
the same messy process of my thesis is the exact scenario of my brain.
arghh...this is tough. really challenging me. i'm usually very hopeful on a lot of things, but this mess got so big, i'm not sure if i can handle it. not my thesis i mean, my life and experiences.
maybe i don't really need to organize them. do i? heh....
maybe i need a one year break, just to freeze everything and organize my life. but then, i can't exactly escape life....now that is one thing i really need to learn, how to organize my life!
Friday, November 9, 2018
why does this blog still exist?
randomly, today, i went on clicking on all the links of bloggers i used to follow, of which i think inspires, and sadly, many of them has moved on. hopefully, just moved on from blogging, and not from what they are doing with their blogging. bakers hopefully still bake, writers still write, and painter still paint.
but why is mine still existing?
firstly, i think blogging has been more of a inspiration to me more than anyone else. I myself benefit the most from my thoughts. many words or reflections, some i never knew i could write, thoughts i forgotten i had, and passion that i forgotten i believe in.
writing, has always been both an output and input for me. an expression of my feelings, a gain to my beliefs. and today, i realised, no matter whether you're 10, 20 or 50 years old. everyone has their thoughts. and you might not know it, your thought may coincide with those even of the 50s.
I always thought wisdom grows along with age, but the older i get, the more i begin to feel that it doesn't work that ways.
i used to think that adults know better, but now i really beginning to doubt that. the more things we know, the more choices and freedom we have, the more difficult it is to keep hold to one simple principle. and maybe, that made things easier for the kids. There were not given much choices, and they did not know much, they did not need to consider much hence they did so much more, achieving so much more, and daring to be so much more.
so, i've decided. Adulting is no fun. yes, i'm forced to, certain things, but when it comes to the thoughts of doing, i'm going to try, to think much less, explain or speak of what i want to do much less, and instead, do more, fail more, and then do even more.
Last week architecture theory, we were talking about how and why the progression of architecture has been slow, and why are there so many experiments being done over the years yet none can be formed. And the reason being, criticism was not taken critically rather, it was taken offensively. If we can look at criticism constructive, and see it as something that not to condemn us, but to improve us or to make us better, and then looking back at our mistake, and the experiment done on where things got wrong, and not restart another whole new experiment, then maybe, over the years, we may be able to finally have a breakthrough. Not starting anew, but brave enough to go back to where we failed, and find out why we fail.
That part, i believe is the synthesis. the reflection process.
and that,
is why, this blog still exist.
because, here is where my thoughts are, my mistakes lays,
where my present became past, that every word formed, helps me in finding my future.
but why is mine still existing?
firstly, i think blogging has been more of a inspiration to me more than anyone else. I myself benefit the most from my thoughts. many words or reflections, some i never knew i could write, thoughts i forgotten i had, and passion that i forgotten i believe in.
writing, has always been both an output and input for me. an expression of my feelings, a gain to my beliefs. and today, i realised, no matter whether you're 10, 20 or 50 years old. everyone has their thoughts. and you might not know it, your thought may coincide with those even of the 50s.
I always thought wisdom grows along with age, but the older i get, the more i begin to feel that it doesn't work that ways.
i used to think that adults know better, but now i really beginning to doubt that. the more things we know, the more choices and freedom we have, the more difficult it is to keep hold to one simple principle. and maybe, that made things easier for the kids. There were not given much choices, and they did not know much, they did not need to consider much hence they did so much more, achieving so much more, and daring to be so much more.
so, i've decided. Adulting is no fun. yes, i'm forced to, certain things, but when it comes to the thoughts of doing, i'm going to try, to think much less, explain or speak of what i want to do much less, and instead, do more, fail more, and then do even more.
Last week architecture theory, we were talking about how and why the progression of architecture has been slow, and why are there so many experiments being done over the years yet none can be formed. And the reason being, criticism was not taken critically rather, it was taken offensively. If we can look at criticism constructive, and see it as something that not to condemn us, but to improve us or to make us better, and then looking back at our mistake, and the experiment done on where things got wrong, and not restart another whole new experiment, then maybe, over the years, we may be able to finally have a breakthrough. Not starting anew, but brave enough to go back to where we failed, and find out why we fail.
That part, i believe is the synthesis. the reflection process.
and that,
is why, this blog still exist.
because, here is where my thoughts are, my mistakes lays,
where my present became past, that every word formed, helps me in finding my future.
Monday, October 29, 2018
Anything
if you can choose to do anything, learn any course, be anyone... put aside reality and practicality, if,
if someone just give you this chance, this few seconds, to try out anything, what will you want to be?
when i was a kid, i used to have so many dreams, impractical ones, and dreaming was easy to do, i do it during the day, before my sleep, during playtime with my cousins, and i was determined in those dreams, i tried using all kinds of tools to replicate the real scene, and even when all my siblings and cousins got bored setting up that they gave up playing it, i was still finding my tools, trying to make those plays more real, preparing pill tablets for the role of a doctor, setting up a baby cord for the teddy baby, tying a leash to a plushy dog, setting up tents for the camping scenes, the extend that i would go to.
maybe, those characters, was in me all the while, since i was a kid. imagining what would those be, setting a clinic, a restaurant by the railings ( replicating paris terraces), using clothes rack as beach umbrellas to set up a beach scene. even sketching plans of my favourite pizza restaurant on paper, my dream house, the future house, that campervan.... it was so much easier to dream, back at those days.
if today, i were to dream to be anyone, anything, what would i want to do? who do i want to be?
i want to be that dancer, wearing that beautiful flowy pieces of transparent cloth in shades of blue, or maybe black, with that spot light on stage, jumping as high as i can, doing that free air splits under that spot light, and slow dancing onto that open street in Prague, on Charles bridge, spinning, skipping, moving into that lightly shine moonlight, and that music just played on, without the care of the world, it will be just me, and that freedom o dance, the beauty of the night, and that gentle moonlight.
to be learning ballet in that dance school, putting on my ballet shoes with my bestfriends, hair in buns, with our skintight leggings with that ankle legwarmers, practicing together, throughout the day, reading in the evening, performing together every month.
or to be that pianist, practicing every morning, composing songs in the noon, in that solitary music room, with that beautiful window, looking out to the theatre hall in which one day, i will be there, with that formal dress in red, placing my hands on the grand piano, playing a song i composed, inspired by Bach.
or to be that artist, learning art history in a really old art school in italy, sketching portraits in the morning, sculpting Plaster in the day, mashing up mesh wires, bendable steel of my unique piece by night. Studying, learning, reading, painting, sculpting, molding, art pieces, and then after graduating, having my own art studio, workshop, where i spent half the time painting, sculpting, experimenting and making art, art pieces that inspires, art pieces that tell a story, a message, that can wake and ignite the passion and compassion in people. Art pieces that make people want to draw and do something for themselves, art pieces that wakes the sleeping soul in people, calling them to create.
or to be that writer, reading famous pieces day and night, essays, articles, thesis papers, revolutionary pieces, stories, fictions, fantasy, biographies. And then writing journals about events, people marginalized, sharing voices that are not heard, understanding literatures, spending hours in beautiful libraries after libraries, where my bedroom is always the smell of books, and then writing, always writing about something new, something old, something interesting and something funny too.
or be that wanderer, leaving everything behind, moving to that mountain, where i settled in with the villagers, building shelters, community centers, schools, hiking with the kids, building tree houses that have the best views hosting classes, having 10 dogs, daily trip to the waterfall to end the tiring but productive day, lying in a simple hut, staring into the peaceful yet starry night, living day by day with simple gratefulness, not wanting anything, just giving everything.
there's so many beautiful things one can do. only reality limits them.
but then again,
you don't really need to be rich to dance,
don't need to be in an artschool to draw or paint,
own a grand piano to compose music,
doesn't need to wait till you're famous to write,
or own a million to travel,
i believe, when you really understand what the essence of those things are, the real ART, the beauty of these things, the joy of learning, and with the right courage, all these are really FREE, just out there, waiting for anyone to find it.
so really,
what am i waiting for?
if someone just give you this chance, this few seconds, to try out anything, what will you want to be?
when i was a kid, i used to have so many dreams, impractical ones, and dreaming was easy to do, i do it during the day, before my sleep, during playtime with my cousins, and i was determined in those dreams, i tried using all kinds of tools to replicate the real scene, and even when all my siblings and cousins got bored setting up that they gave up playing it, i was still finding my tools, trying to make those plays more real, preparing pill tablets for the role of a doctor, setting up a baby cord for the teddy baby, tying a leash to a plushy dog, setting up tents for the camping scenes, the extend that i would go to.
maybe, those characters, was in me all the while, since i was a kid. imagining what would those be, setting a clinic, a restaurant by the railings ( replicating paris terraces), using clothes rack as beach umbrellas to set up a beach scene. even sketching plans of my favourite pizza restaurant on paper, my dream house, the future house, that campervan.... it was so much easier to dream, back at those days.
if today, i were to dream to be anyone, anything, what would i want to do? who do i want to be?
i want to be that dancer, wearing that beautiful flowy pieces of transparent cloth in shades of blue, or maybe black, with that spot light on stage, jumping as high as i can, doing that free air splits under that spot light, and slow dancing onto that open street in Prague, on Charles bridge, spinning, skipping, moving into that lightly shine moonlight, and that music just played on, without the care of the world, it will be just me, and that freedom o dance, the beauty of the night, and that gentle moonlight.
to be learning ballet in that dance school, putting on my ballet shoes with my bestfriends, hair in buns, with our skintight leggings with that ankle legwarmers, practicing together, throughout the day, reading in the evening, performing together every month.
or to be that pianist, practicing every morning, composing songs in the noon, in that solitary music room, with that beautiful window, looking out to the theatre hall in which one day, i will be there, with that formal dress in red, placing my hands on the grand piano, playing a song i composed, inspired by Bach.
or to be that artist, learning art history in a really old art school in italy, sketching portraits in the morning, sculpting Plaster in the day, mashing up mesh wires, bendable steel of my unique piece by night. Studying, learning, reading, painting, sculpting, molding, art pieces, and then after graduating, having my own art studio, workshop, where i spent half the time painting, sculpting, experimenting and making art, art pieces that inspires, art pieces that tell a story, a message, that can wake and ignite the passion and compassion in people. Art pieces that make people want to draw and do something for themselves, art pieces that wakes the sleeping soul in people, calling them to create.
or to be that writer, reading famous pieces day and night, essays, articles, thesis papers, revolutionary pieces, stories, fictions, fantasy, biographies. And then writing journals about events, people marginalized, sharing voices that are not heard, understanding literatures, spending hours in beautiful libraries after libraries, where my bedroom is always the smell of books, and then writing, always writing about something new, something old, something interesting and something funny too.
or be that wanderer, leaving everything behind, moving to that mountain, where i settled in with the villagers, building shelters, community centers, schools, hiking with the kids, building tree houses that have the best views hosting classes, having 10 dogs, daily trip to the waterfall to end the tiring but productive day, lying in a simple hut, staring into the peaceful yet starry night, living day by day with simple gratefulness, not wanting anything, just giving everything.
there's so many beautiful things one can do. only reality limits them.
but then again,
you don't really need to be rich to dance,
don't need to be in an artschool to draw or paint,
own a grand piano to compose music,
doesn't need to wait till you're famous to write,
or own a million to travel,
i believe, when you really understand what the essence of those things are, the real ART, the beauty of these things, the joy of learning, and with the right courage, all these are really FREE, just out there, waiting for anyone to find it.
so really,
what am i waiting for?
Thursday, October 25, 2018
what have i gotten myself into?
it just dawned on me today, during Architecture theory class that i'm actually in a Master course. An actual, freaking, no kidding MASTER IN ARCHITECTURE. like for real. for i can remember, i was just in kindergarten a while ago, how did i get here? and, what are these words?
" What are only conjectures have been put forward as utopian panaceas and supported with absolutist fervour. Corroboration is always sought; never falsification. There are frequent manifestos of what is manifestly unmanifest. This absolutist attitude encourages personal critism against the author rather than rational criticism of the conjecture.......
whaaaaaaaaat?
conjectures? absolutist fervour? manifestly unmanifest? do that word even exist?!
who uses so many big words in one single sentence and who writes them, who reads them, or even, who comprehends them?
it took me more than awhile and 120% focus to make sense of that whole structure of this sentence.
wow.
then it dawned on me.
no shit.
who am i kidding, i'm actually in a master course.
honestly, when day by day passes, step by step came by, sometimes, you really don't realize where you are, it is as if you were blinded by all your surrounding, and suddenly, your eyes were open, mind blown, someone knocked some sense into, and boom.
reality sinks in.
I HAVE ENROLLED MYSELF INTO A MASTER COURSE AND AM CURRENTLY IN MY FINAL YEAR, PREPARING TO WRITE A MASTER THESIS.
no kidding.
back in those days, architects wrote master thesis that changed lives, impact a whole new century, realize the first high rise building of the entire world, wrote essays that are still being quote 100 years later today.
what am i going to do for mine?
am i up for all these?
i never see myself as someone who would study this far, though nowadays, a degree, a mastercourse, is quite a norm, nothing to hooha about, but now that i'm standing before this, a quick panic attack came.
breathe....
now that realization has hit upon, i can't unknown the known just like how the manifest can't unmanifest what has manifested.
so i guess, i just have to walk with faith, in faith that God has known all these even when i do not know, that God has it all planned out, and when He put us to a certain path, He will definitely guide us through it, whether or not we allow Him to, the difference will just be a smooth or a rough ride ahead, but either way, we will get there. right?
and from what i learned today,
all these that i have said, are just conjectures, and what i assume to be are just falsifications that no one can say to be absolutely true.
and, i officially got myself confused on what this post supposed to be about.
THAT, is an example of what theories can do to you.
whaaaaaaaaat?
conjectures? absolutist fervour? manifestly unmanifest? do that word even exist?!
who uses so many big words in one single sentence and who writes them, who reads them, or even, who comprehends them?
it took me more than awhile and 120% focus to make sense of that whole structure of this sentence.
wow.
then it dawned on me.
no shit.
who am i kidding, i'm actually in a master course.
honestly, when day by day passes, step by step came by, sometimes, you really don't realize where you are, it is as if you were blinded by all your surrounding, and suddenly, your eyes were open, mind blown, someone knocked some sense into, and boom.
reality sinks in.
I HAVE ENROLLED MYSELF INTO A MASTER COURSE AND AM CURRENTLY IN MY FINAL YEAR, PREPARING TO WRITE A MASTER THESIS.
no kidding.
back in those days, architects wrote master thesis that changed lives, impact a whole new century, realize the first high rise building of the entire world, wrote essays that are still being quote 100 years later today.
what am i going to do for mine?
am i up for all these?
i never see myself as someone who would study this far, though nowadays, a degree, a mastercourse, is quite a norm, nothing to hooha about, but now that i'm standing before this, a quick panic attack came.
breathe....
now that realization has hit upon, i can't unknown the known just like how the manifest can't unmanifest what has manifested.
so i guess, i just have to walk with faith, in faith that God has known all these even when i do not know, that God has it all planned out, and when He put us to a certain path, He will definitely guide us through it, whether or not we allow Him to, the difference will just be a smooth or a rough ride ahead, but either way, we will get there. right?
and from what i learned today,
all these that i have said, are just conjectures, and what i assume to be are just falsifications that no one can say to be absolutely true.
and, i officially got myself confused on what this post supposed to be about.
THAT, is an example of what theories can do to you.
Friday, February 12, 2016
Sunday, June 28, 2015
going offline
it wasnt easy, bt its actually working.
social media and networking have been consuming much of the time quietly. i recently realized days can pass by easily with phone and internet. and it has been helping me in procrastinating my applications and portfolios.
few days ago, d thought just suddenly came. to deactivate and delete everything from my phone. the second i deleted it, i found myself having nothing to do. no more fb to scroll, no more instagram to like, no more whatsapp msgs to reply, ive got nothing. whats left in d phone is only bible and a few productive apps. i found myself having no more distractions.
the process of choosing what to delete itself wasnt easy. to think of who r people i needed to inform regarding work required some effort. but it was all worth it.
the last few days have been, more productive and fruitful. ive read more, ive think more, ive written more and im progressing somewhere, at least having a little hint on what i want/ can have for my future.
thats when i realized, how much time have been wasted in social media. it wasnt all bad in it, but too large amount of time have been spent on it. it has become a habit to be constantly unlocking my phone just to check if theres a new notification, or a new incoming msg. bad bad.
the night after deleting it, i lie on bed and has no reason to hold onto to my phone before i sleep. no longer anything to scroll, my hand is finally willing to reach for solid books.
the first thought was this is only for a week, a week free from everything else to really focus on prayer and God's word to find out which way to take for my future. but then again, im beginning to like the feeling of not being attached to the world, the feeling of not being attached to my phone.
it is working.
Monday, March 23, 2015
tired
i need a break.
i miss God. i miss peace.
work is piling up, pressure of the future is closing in, expectations of everyone around is suffocating me. or maybe, its just my own expectation that is suffocating myself.
i never knew how i survived times like these, other than through God's strength.
the amount of work, with the amount of strength i have left, it always seems impossible.
Yet, time after time, God pull me through, and i survived, day by day, each and every time.
why push so far? why try so hard? why be the best? why go through these?
why set so high? why aim so much? why can't let go? and just let it be?
why get things done? why not leave them as it is? why not disappoint others? why not go easy?
why give my all?
what do i want? what do i need? what can i do? why can't i sleep?
i miss God. i miss peace.
work is piling up, pressure of the future is closing in, expectations of everyone around is suffocating me. or maybe, its just my own expectation that is suffocating myself.
i never knew how i survived times like these, other than through God's strength.
the amount of work, with the amount of strength i have left, it always seems impossible.
Yet, time after time, God pull me through, and i survived, day by day, each and every time.
why push so far? why try so hard? why be the best? why go through these?
why set so high? why aim so much? why can't let go? and just let it be?
why get things done? why not leave them as it is? why not disappoint others? why not go easy?
why give my all?
what do i want? what do i need? what can i do? why can't i sleep?
Monday, February 16, 2015
letting words out
to the one who loves the outdoor, to the one who needs no car,
to the one who sing with the birds and fall asleep below the stars,
you'll tell me you love nature, sunset and sunrise just as much
no fear of the wild jungle, no mud you would not touch.
seeking no proof of truth, your eyes being your only clue,
no google needed to find, intuitions are your rules,
windows can be the pallet, feathers being the tool,
with trees and leaves falling, no problems for you too cruel.
staying away from the people but still you can feel,
pulling away from the world but clear you can see still,
no news announcements of things done, yet willing are you to do,
no judgement forcing trends, just plainly genuinely wants to.
curly fringe, knee length shorts, wind that blows right through,
by the waterfall, water splashed, rock and pebbles flew,
the call of a name, singing aloud, echoing round and round
barefoot on earth, warm feet cold town, with our hearts tied to the ground.
if i'm far from my dreams, here in my life, how should i expect to see,
if i'm at a place where i don't belong, how near could you have been,
unless i go all out, go far out, go chase the free flow cloud,
jump right into my dreams, just be brave, just be loud.
to the one who sing with the birds and fall asleep below the stars,
you'll tell me you love nature, sunset and sunrise just as much
no fear of the wild jungle, no mud you would not touch.
seeking no proof of truth, your eyes being your only clue,
no google needed to find, intuitions are your rules,
windows can be the pallet, feathers being the tool,
with trees and leaves falling, no problems for you too cruel.
staying away from the people but still you can feel,
pulling away from the world but clear you can see still,
no news announcements of things done, yet willing are you to do,
no judgement forcing trends, just plainly genuinely wants to.
curly fringe, knee length shorts, wind that blows right through,
by the waterfall, water splashed, rock and pebbles flew,
the call of a name, singing aloud, echoing round and round
barefoot on earth, warm feet cold town, with our hearts tied to the ground.
if i'm far from my dreams, here in my life, how should i expect to see,
if i'm at a place where i don't belong, how near could you have been,
unless i go all out, go far out, go chase the free flow cloud,
jump right into my dreams, just be brave, just be loud.
Friday, October 25, 2013
neverending neverending..come on ending...have you lost your way??
since this semester started, workload has been pouring in like hamster eating seeds....
i kept telling myself, two more weeks and i'll be free... and the two weeks just kept coming and never arrive. two weeks and another two weeks and another two weeks...till this day, i still have two weeks (hopefully its the final two weeks of rushing assignments) and then i can sit and stare at the sky and enjoy doing nothing. or maybe just lie flat on the cold floor and stare at my fingers, while whistling to my dogs every now and then...
but then again, i'm sort of grateful being this busy these few months, because it takes my mind off certain things, things i don't enjoy thinking.
still.. i anticipates the coming sem break. oh come already please...
seriously can't imagine life without sushi and swimming, because this world is too dangerous for hiking, swimming is now my new favourite. i'll learn some kungfu before heading back to hiking again.
i just feel like babbling because babbling helps the overly exhausted brain to let loose a little.
i needa cut my hair. i wanna doodle nothing important, paint nothing matters, and think nothing significant.
i kept telling myself, two more weeks and i'll be free... and the two weeks just kept coming and never arrive. two weeks and another two weeks and another two weeks...till this day, i still have two weeks (hopefully its the final two weeks of rushing assignments) and then i can sit and stare at the sky and enjoy doing nothing. or maybe just lie flat on the cold floor and stare at my fingers, while whistling to my dogs every now and then...
but then again, i'm sort of grateful being this busy these few months, because it takes my mind off certain things, things i don't enjoy thinking.
still.. i anticipates the coming sem break. oh come already please...
seriously can't imagine life without sushi and swimming, because this world is too dangerous for hiking, swimming is now my new favourite. i'll learn some kungfu before heading back to hiking again.
i just feel like babbling because babbling helps the overly exhausted brain to let loose a little.
i needa cut my hair. i wanna doodle nothing important, paint nothing matters, and think nothing significant.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
God remains the strength of my heart
God has been guiding me each step every day. i've been so weak these couple of weeks, with so many things happening and all. its just difficult for the heart to digest all things. so many things to learn, so many mistakes i've made, so many mental notes to keep, and it seems almost impossible to be able to do this on my own. no, let me rephrase. its totally impossible for me to do this on my own. i can't do it. its too hard. its too much to take in, its too impossible to digest. my heart couldnt take it. my mind unwilling to comprehend it all. i don't have d courage to believe anything.
the reason i'm still standing here, holding it all together, taking one step at a time, and having the strength to take the next breath, is all by God's grace and God given strength. Without God's wisdom, i can't survive. without His grace, my heart wouldn't be able to sustain.
blogging, has always been a platform for me to clear my thoughts. every single time my mind are filled with messy thoughts, when my heart is all confused, putting the thoughts into words, after building them into proper sentences and paragraphs and summaries and conclusions, always help everything to make sense.
and that's what happening now again.
i just feel the need to thank God. every single day. every single second. because
He's the strength to my next breath.
He's the strength to my next heart beat.
He's the strength for to wake up every morning to go to uni.
He's the strength for me to do anything at all.
i thank God for His wisdom.
He's the strength to my next breath.
He's the strength to my next heart beat.
He's the strength for to wake up every morning to go to uni.
He's the strength for me to do anything at all.
i thank God for His wisdom.
i don't want to live on my own wisdom. in fact, i don't even have wisdom to start with. i feel so weak and strength-less without Him. i don't even think i have the strength to wake up in the morning for this period of time. and i'm glad He's pulling me through every single second. i'm glad He's here with me, telling me its okay, telling me even if i can't do this, He can do this for me. and because i'm weak, He's strong. day by day, He's revealing something, from the random movies i picked to watch, books i chose to read, people i meet and talk to, lectures i attend, places that i go and the things i spend doing.... all are part of His way of revealing something to me. something for me to learn, something to remind me and to make me realize.
how can i even comprehend His wonders with my own silly understanding.
how can i even comprehend His wonders with my own silly understanding.
some of my friends said, how can i surrender all these into God's hands. how can i even be sure if theres a God to begin with. but what they do not know is, i had my moments of doubts when i shouldnt. i've always been trying so hard to do things my way and i've failed. and i'm grateful that i've failed. God made me fail to teach me lessons. God made me learn so that i can grow. God make me fall so that i can grow stronger and He is molding me. but i guess putting all these into words can't really describe and make others comprehend. God works in magnificent ways that one can only comprehend it when he's the one to experience it. even so, one might even be able to comprehend, no...not until God decided to soften his heart and reveal His wisdom to him.
so if you're reading this and you don't get a word i'm saying about God. its totally not weird at all. because, this is my part of experiencing God, and your part has yet to come. but when its your turn, you'll probably get it.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
im gonna be perfectly fine
it has been so long since i last posted anything.
its funny how blogging no longer seems to be the thing anymore? but i still like to blog. for me, its not so much of a trend thing, but its something i actually like doing because writing it down actually helps me believe that it actually happen. like sometimes, things that happened were so surreal that i sometimes couldn't be sure whether it actually did happened or did i just made it up in my mind. but reading back what i wrote, it helps to confirm that it did actually happened. and it felt nice reading it. and it also helps connecting the dots. then you will remember to be content. to be grateful of all the things that have actually happened. especially during the bad times.
this two months has been awesome. its amazing how God made everything fall into place like perfectly. like, i never really planned it, the timing and all but it just all fall in the right place at the right time. The perfect place to intern, i got everything i wanted, wait...i got more than what i actually prayed for. the people are nice, the place is awesome, my friends are there for lunch and i learned so much from that place.
Not only that the work wasn't that difficult. the people there are too nice to me, and its amazing how God has made me know each of them individually in his own timing, to reveal the things that He wants me to learn about. Sacrifices made for their family, the love for their children, the determination in work, the principles of life, the commitment you hold, the ownership in the things you do, the way you deal with things and people, being humble, being a sponge, being open to criticism, open to learning new ways and so much more. And then there's all the amazing company He placed around me, sweet and awesome new friends, and my very best friend who stayed back with me every single time, chasing the sunset after work every evening, scream and shout when we're stressed and LLL. then there's the kind and caring ones that He placed near me, bringing them closer in His own special ways and timing, using them to motivate and support me in my times of need, i know its all Him. My internship couldn't have been great without Jesus, without His guidance, without His blessings, without His protection.
And then, there's the New Zealand trip. Didn't even planned it in the first place, and He sort of made it happen. The amazing things i experienced backpacking alone. Can't believe i actually did it. Oh the amazing things i see, the roadtrips i had, the breathtaking places ive been to, though i didn't get to skydive in the end, i'm sure He knows the perfect timing for that to happen. God is good. He knew i needed this escape. He knew i needed this adventure, He knew exactly what i needed. and then He provides, He provides even more than you can ever ask for. He doesn't give you the things you want, but He gives you the things you need. and you don't need to tell Him that because sometimes, you don't even know what you really need.
now its the time to be grateful for all of these. i hate it when i'm feeling like this, all depressed and couldnt focus on the list of things to do, but kept indulging in feeling down and confused, feeling all upset on the things i couldnt get and things i couldnt get any answers... but counting these blessings made everything alright.
God made everything alright. Because its obvious He is taking care of me, i feel relieved that i'm not going through this on my own, that He has it all planned out for me, He will reveal to me in His own timing, He will take care of it, i have absolutely no right and no need to be worried about anything. all i need to do is trust in Him and to completely surrender to Him without any doubt.
then, everything will be perfectly fine. because He is with me. because He is my awesome father. He is my awesome God.
its funny how blogging no longer seems to be the thing anymore? but i still like to blog. for me, its not so much of a trend thing, but its something i actually like doing because writing it down actually helps me believe that it actually happen. like sometimes, things that happened were so surreal that i sometimes couldn't be sure whether it actually did happened or did i just made it up in my mind. but reading back what i wrote, it helps to confirm that it did actually happened. and it felt nice reading it. and it also helps connecting the dots. then you will remember to be content. to be grateful of all the things that have actually happened. especially during the bad times.
this two months has been awesome. its amazing how God made everything fall into place like perfectly. like, i never really planned it, the timing and all but it just all fall in the right place at the right time. The perfect place to intern, i got everything i wanted, wait...i got more than what i actually prayed for. the people are nice, the place is awesome, my friends are there for lunch and i learned so much from that place.
Not only that the work wasn't that difficult. the people there are too nice to me, and its amazing how God has made me know each of them individually in his own timing, to reveal the things that He wants me to learn about. Sacrifices made for their family, the love for their children, the determination in work, the principles of life, the commitment you hold, the ownership in the things you do, the way you deal with things and people, being humble, being a sponge, being open to criticism, open to learning new ways and so much more. And then there's all the amazing company He placed around me, sweet and awesome new friends, and my very best friend who stayed back with me every single time, chasing the sunset after work every evening, scream and shout when we're stressed and LLL. then there's the kind and caring ones that He placed near me, bringing them closer in His own special ways and timing, using them to motivate and support me in my times of need, i know its all Him. My internship couldn't have been great without Jesus, without His guidance, without His blessings, without His protection.
And then, there's the New Zealand trip. Didn't even planned it in the first place, and He sort of made it happen. The amazing things i experienced backpacking alone. Can't believe i actually did it. Oh the amazing things i see, the roadtrips i had, the breathtaking places ive been to, though i didn't get to skydive in the end, i'm sure He knows the perfect timing for that to happen. God is good. He knew i needed this escape. He knew i needed this adventure, He knew exactly what i needed. and then He provides, He provides even more than you can ever ask for. He doesn't give you the things you want, but He gives you the things you need. and you don't need to tell Him that because sometimes, you don't even know what you really need.
now its the time to be grateful for all of these. i hate it when i'm feeling like this, all depressed and couldnt focus on the list of things to do, but kept indulging in feeling down and confused, feeling all upset on the things i couldnt get and things i couldnt get any answers... but counting these blessings made everything alright.
God made everything alright. Because its obvious He is taking care of me, i feel relieved that i'm not going through this on my own, that He has it all planned out for me, He will reveal to me in His own timing, He will take care of it, i have absolutely no right and no need to be worried about anything. all i need to do is trust in Him and to completely surrender to Him without any doubt.
then, everything will be perfectly fine. because He is with me. because He is my awesome father. He is my awesome God.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
u're big, and i'm small.
in the midst of ups and downs, rain and shine, dark grey water and pitch black sky, sometimes its difficult to look past all bad things that has happened around us and simply feel good bout being here, being alive, being healthy and being blessed. some days, it becomes so overwhelming and you wondered, why are you lying here on a comfy bed, in a cooling room wrapped in warm blanket and still complains...
though some days you're just contented and grateful, there are always some days where you just take it all for granted.
there are always certain point in life when you ask the questions, what for? what if? what then? what now?
what difference can we really make as a person? how much can we do or even, what can we do?
they say one can make a difference, at least to the other one. just like that starfish story. but when the moon hangs low, and more things become overwhelming, its difficult to constantly stay within that high spirited happie positive mode.
there are days where you just have a heavy heart.
a heavy heart.
it only proves that you're still breathing, and living.
but where to lead ur heavy heart?
sometimes i let that heavy heart linger a little, and let it remind myself how weak, how tiny, how insignificant i am. in hope that this time will be the time where i'll learn to fully leave things to God, and let the heavy heart lead me back to God.
last time, i've tried.
this time, i'll try.
and till that one day when i try, i'll know how to not try.
for a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
the sound
one always gotta have a cover ready.
who knows when they will need to publish an album all of a sudden.
u can't be sure, really.
u can't be sure, really.
so now that i have one ready,
i'll have one thing less to worry about..
Sunday, January 13, 2013
the A list
saturday night,
an often eventful night. but surprisingly today, i'm just home too early.
maybe its because my sis isn't around for me to bug, and i'm free to go anywhere with a car, i felt so restless, and didn't feel like going home.
but in the end, i still did came home. to find my family sitting in the living room. and they're all home. except for my sister. that's when i realize, it has been awhile since i sat in the living room like this. and \im suddenly glad i'm home.
and there's so many things i feel like doing.
and there's so many things i feel like doing.
feel like blogging, feel like painting, feel like filtering the photos that have sat there waiting.
feel like dancing, feel like sketching, feel like cleaning the house till the sun comes calling.
feel like hiking, feel like swimming, feel like skyping all my friends who are half way around the world studying.
and here i am blogging, and listing down a whole list of random things to do.
thank God for random things, and random words to say.
that perk things up a little and make it more :D :D yay!
i wonder y i like making lists. :P
Sunday, January 6, 2013
do the potato dance~
hmm.. i wonder if there's a job to try all jobs?
yesterday there's a pizza delivery girl.
i wanna try delivering pizza.
i wanna be....
hmm..
i wanna be
a fisherman. erm. fisherwoman? and experience the storm.
a bus driver. and drive a double decker bus.
a waiter and wear a tuxedo.
a garbage collector. and see wher all the rubbish go.
a farmer, and eat rice by the paddy field. milk the cow in the morning and own a big big zoo.
a painter, and paint anything i like.
another kind of painter, the one that paint houses.
a bricklayer, building a wall from scratch.
a mechanic, then all engines i'll understand.
a coconut picker, then learn to climb tall trees with bare hands.
oh. i wanna be the guy driving people's luggage to the plane. standing on the belt and throw their luggages off the plane. :D
i wanna try all jobs, and learn the value to it.
i think all jobs are cool, if u noe what and why u're doing.
:O but i dun wanna try all these in kidzania.
wee? :D
yesterday there's a pizza delivery girl.
i wanna try delivering pizza.
i wanna be....
hmm..
i wanna be
a fisherman. erm. fisherwoman? and experience the storm.
a bus driver. and drive a double decker bus.
a waiter and wear a tuxedo.
a garbage collector. and see wher all the rubbish go.
a farmer, and eat rice by the paddy field. milk the cow in the morning and own a big big zoo.
a painter, and paint anything i like.
another kind of painter, the one that paint houses.
a bricklayer, building a wall from scratch.
a mechanic, then all engines i'll understand.
a coconut picker, then learn to climb tall trees with bare hands.
oh. i wanna be the guy driving people's luggage to the plane. standing on the belt and throw their luggages off the plane. :D
i wanna try all jobs, and learn the value to it.
i think all jobs are cool, if u noe what and why u're doing.
:O but i dun wanna try all these in kidzania.
wee? :D
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Saturday, June 9, 2012
go here. there. and everywhere.
Title: How To Get Something Out of Your Head
# what you need:
1. a virtual long and durable thread ( let's name this Ash)
2. a kind and persuasive voice
3. some kind of bait ( sushi or something)
4. a tiny binocular
# instructions:
1. drop Ash into the ear, with the bait attached to it. u can tie the binocular around its neck.
2. slowly lead it through all the tiny passages till it reaches the radioactive zone, u usually can recognize that area when you have a million of envelopes and letters flying overhead.
3. now, take out that binocular, and start searching for the target object that pops up every now and then.
* beware, at this stage, its really tricky. you can't just drag it out or push it out, its too risky. try talking to it.
here's where you need to use the persuasive voice, you can go " ello~~~ yoo hoo~~ weee~~~ then, bring up the target's name once in a while. den from then on, it really depends on your persuasive skills.....
like:
like:
hi hi, come on out.. its gonna be fun... let's just take a long holiday and leave this place for a little while~
or
let's go sushi-ing.
or
yo. jom movie. :D
or
let's go sushi-ing.
or
yo. jom movie. :D
it might actually work.
i think.
note: nvr try. hey, get out of here and shooo off.
bcz he'll lost his shoes and couldn't leave anyways.
so. nvr.
note: nvr try. hey, get out of here and shooo off.
bcz he'll lost his shoes and couldn't leave anyways.
so. nvr.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
autocad, back massage pls.
i dreamed i lost my bag, but i found it in the car.
then i dreamed i lost my car. o.O
then i dreamed i lost my car. o.O
Saturday, May 12, 2012
u sound nice
jerry : i think we should start a series of us running and catching
tom : *nod nod*
jerry : i'll be the director and you'll be the clown.
tom : *nod nod*
jerry : i'll be the director and you'll be the clown.
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