都不对了

有些日子， 已不是刻意或不小心的记得，而是，因为多年的累积而演变成习惯。
但此时此刻，一切都不对了
时间不对，
地点不对，
感觉不对，
身份更加不对。。

可是，没有后悔什么，也不是想抱怨什么，
人生嘛，总会有一些遗憾的，
不是遗憾得不到，而是遗憾这辈子都不会知道。
若时间倒流，可能一切也还是会一样。

因为，我们都是一样的我们，周边的事也是一样

但有时候，还是会忍不住想想，是哪里的点，碰不着， 哪一条线，接不上，明明我们就那么的努力尝试，那么的努力配合。 可能，暗地里所做的还真的不如明显的表现。真的是被我们的那一点高傲的自尊心给毁了。
曾经的确认与相信，却给任性与犹豫冲淡了，消失得无影无终，所剩下的，
就只有这一些，我记你不记的日子。

人啊，真是个愚蠢的动物

所能做能也就在九千厘之外，送上安静的祷告，以感谢，所知或不知，暗地或明显，曾努力或不曾努力中，所做的一切。。。

可能，或许，有一天，在另一个世界里，我们会知道一个答案， 也或许，当这一天来临时，那答案一不关紧要了

know don't i

sees who above He only.

now not me not knows who.
be to it for pray and,
hope still i can then.

forgives He still.
found as guilty,
fall i again yet,

so says above one the till not.
when and where and is what,
figure can see can tell can who,

year jogging the cone the soy the.
greens picking silly those,
memories and thoughts and words those,

question i, think i, wonder i though.
should it, or would it, or will it whether,
moment the, day the, time the, know don't i

of beautiful words that touches your soul

words,
how important are they, 
how impactful can they be, 
it's existence depends on the reader,
it's melody depends on the voice spoken. 

words expresses feelings one hides deeply inside,
words share thoughts that one thought no one knew,
words say of things that someone out there understands,
words know. 

words gives wisdom a solid form,
words strucks realization of truth and reality, 
words can be a game,  a riddle, a messy scribble, 
but still all words say something or have something to say. 

the saying that nothing happened if one does not write it down,
events did not take place if words are not written,
even that saying are formed of words itself, 
look how words are not just words, it is everythingelse. 

even the almighty one changes the world with words, 
His words, written down and passed on  generations to generations,
His words never ceases,  never fail.

words, how beautiful are they. 
it describes the beauty of colours, 
the colours of nature,
the nature of beings, 
the beings of things.

words gives encouragement, 
raising people up,
holding them strong, 
keeping goals close,
finding the lost.

words, how they define,
the meaning of things, 
the values of unseen, 
the culture of nation,
the laws and regulations. 

words, how they can become, 
weapons to pierce, 
hurt that last a lifetime,
causing all that lost, 
from love to tears. 

words, should never be taken lightly.
for one word can mean a million other,
for all words,  matter. 

Feelings

Officially 3 days to go.

luggage packing is a mess.
my feeling is in a mess.
thoughts are everywhere,
gifts everywhere...
yet there is one thing for sure.

It is God who made all these possible.
In d midst of all these rushing here and there, sending and receiving farewell gifts, last minute shoppings, last minute meeting up and all... i thought i should stop a moment to absorb all this, and to thank God for a little.

look unto Him despite of all things, all the mess, all the anticipation, all the hopes and dreams.
just stay still for a little to reflect on all things.

He has made this possible, and its finally happening.

Firstly, he sent a senior there before me. before any of these even begin. Just so this day will arrive where i can have some guidance and reliance.

then, he provided a best buddy to pick up the language. He provided the best teacher i could ever find to teach us, to prepare us, so that we did not just learn the language but the culture, and forming such special bonds.

all those, happened, and i was still clueless of what is to become.

and then, he offered a preposition through my boss. The motivation and opportunity that gave courage. and before all that, he gave the word that says : " Opportunity gives courage", the resolution of taking chances that begin in 2017.

It all came inline now. Connecting the dots.
It was my sister who witness me winning the award back in 2012. It is her who's supporting me to achieve my dream now.

He planned the cell group who gave me a prayer support system, the letting go of my heart on my sister's case, the love for my family, to surrender all things to Him, to taking this step, of finally going to achieve my dream.

God had it all planned. The roommate, the placement, the mail courier, the projects, the closed doors to Australia universities, the rejected scholarship, the relationships formed, the kindness of the consultants, the experienced seniors, the kind colleagues. He had it all planned.

Every step of the way, he was there, and he is still here. i can almost feel Him, sitting next to me, encouraging.

Thank you my Father Lord Jesus.
Thank you God for everything that You have given to me.
Despite all the mistakes that i have done, the rebellious heart, the ignorant mind...
Yet You still choose to bless me with my dream.
Your grace, Your love, is so amazingly great.
Greater than all things in the world,
greater than anyone can ever give.

I thank you Lord with all my heart and all my soul.
and I pray oh Lord, that i'll stay close to You throughout this new phase of life,
that i will not forget Your love, and keep close to Your teaching.
Teach me Dear Lord to hold unto You in all things, to consider You in all ways, and to renew my love to You every day just as You renew our strength.

thank you Lord for this day.
for this i give thanks to Your glory, to your grace, to Your name.
In Jesus name i pray,
Amen

i've always wanted to.....

" i've always wanted to...."



this is something i've always slip into my words, and today i learnt hard that i shouldn't anymore.

i've always wanted to go sky diving.
i've always wanted to learn diving.
i've always wanted to finish my piano lessons.
i've always wanted to take up ballet again.
i've always wanted to spend some time for myself and plan out the future.
i've be meaning to spend more time with God.
i've always wanted to pray more.
i've always wanted to hike Mount KK.
i've always wanted to cycle to work even when everyone wouldn't believe i would.
i've always wanted to learn Spanish.
i've always wanted to complete a sketchbook with really good sketches.
i've always wanted to brush up my watercolour skills.
i've always wanted to volunteer more.
i've always wanted to help joshua and joel to gain their deserved identity.
i've always wanted to own my own studio.
i've always wanted to get fit to hike 10 hours.
i've always wanted to get a flight ticket to go anywhere i want and fly on the same day.
i've always wanted to spend more time with my dogs.
i've always wanted to do research on scholarship and save for master in somewhere far away.
i've always wanted to go Canada and visit Jayme.
i've always wanted to backpack around UK.
i've always wanted to step foot into Sagrada Familia and shed a tear when i meet Gaudi's work.
i've always wanted to visit Venny in Perth.
i've always wanted to spend more time in Vietnam with Ngoc.
i've always wanted to go volunteer with Dr.Donna.
i've always wanted to join the Nepal hiking trip.
i've always wanted to visit and sketch Angkor Wat in cambodia.
i've always wanted to finish my master.
i've always wanted to dance happily with happie people all night.
i've always wanted to adopt a kid.
i've always wanted to volunteer in a zoo/animal shelter.
i've always wanted to go to the library in Ireland.
i've always wanted to wake up on a cruise.
i've always wanted to go camping for days.
i've always wanted to build a 3d model of this house and design a very daring modified version dreamhouse from this.
i've always wanted to run a marathon.
i've always wanted to watch a football match live.
i've always wanted to pass the hanging monkey test and win a beer.
i've always wanted to bring dookoo go hiking
i've always wanted to climb the grand canyon
i've always wanted to be good at pilates.
i've always wanted to swim more.
i've always wanted to finish all the books i want to read without distractions.
i've always wanted to watch all the movies in the list of my movies i wanna watch.
i've always wanted to draw more illustration on my bamboo.
i've always wanted to print out Mount John panorama.
i've always wanted to own an apartment.
i've always wanted to finish up my final project in uni.
i've always wanted to make a journal album of all the trips i've been.
i've always wanted to compile a "best moments" album.
i've always wanted to make a family album.
i've always wanted to volunteer more.
i've always wanted to make a difference.
i've always wanted to create a brand, not a commercial brand, but a brand that helps someone, somewhere. something that benefits the community.

i've always wanted to.....

SO MANY THINGS.

and after so many years, these are still things that i've always wanted. but haven't managed to achieve. Did i do anything to get closer to these? Are there certain things that i can afford to do it now, but still didnt?

I don't want to wake up 10 years later and still ending the sentence with i've always wanted to....
i want to be able say, i've always wanted to, and then continue with i've finally did it on....or with .....

Missing out today's opportunity on the application have slap me awake from my blissful world. There are so many things i've always wanted to do, and some years down the road from now, i won't be able to remember any happiness now, but only remember things that i've always wanted to do, but didn't.

i need to schedule some time to date myself.
before its too late to say, i've always wanted to..... and feel like there's still a chance to achieve any of these.

8 days are not enough.
don't wait till 8 years are not enough.
what if i wakes up one morning and someone tells me i have only 6 months left.
worse,
what if i never wakes up anymore.

this application is a blessing in disguise. sometimes, we need a hard slap from reality to gain knowledge, to slap us awake from our blissful little bubble. wake up, wake now.

letting words out

to the one who loves the outdoor, to the one who needs no car,
to the one who sing with the birds and fall asleep below the stars,
you'll tell me you love nature, sunset and sunrise just as much
no fear of the wild jungle, no mud you would not touch.

seeking no proof of truth, your eyes being your only clue,
no google needed to find, intuitions are your rules,
windows can be the pallet, feathers being the tool,
with trees and leaves falling, no problems for you too cruel.

staying away from the people but still you can feel,
pulling away from the world but clear you can see still,
no news announcements of things done, yet willing are you to do,
no judgement forcing trends, just plainly genuinely wants to.

curly fringe, knee length shorts, wind that blows right through,
by the waterfall, water splashed, rock and pebbles flew,
the call of a name, singing aloud, echoing round and round
barefoot on earth, warm feet cold town, with our hearts tied to the ground.

if i'm far from my dreams, here in my life, how should i expect to see,
if i'm at a place where i don't belong, how near could you have been,
unless i go all out, go far out, go chase the free flow cloud,
jump right into my dreams, just be brave, just be loud.

a step i'm willing to take

8 years ago, it was much easier. we were much kinder to another.
since don't know when, every answer, there's a hint of anger, making kindness, a little bit harder.
i no longer have any idea, on how to ignore your harsh replies.

i answer with a smile doesn't mean i enjoy your raised voices.
i try to start a new question doesn't mean i'm okay with your previous harsh answers.
i can only pray that God can help you seek, the solution for your true complication within.
to find the patience and kindness you used to have, the gentleness i know that's still somewhere inside.

if you came here to read this, you probably still care.
tho this is nothing like, the forty days dare.
dear God grant wisdom, patience and kindness,
i apologize if its the things i did, or the things i did not.
but i'll never know, unless you let it out.

if

If a picture paints a thousand words
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show 
The you I've come to know

If a face could launch a thousand ships
Then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you
You're all that's left me too
And when my love for life is running dry
You come and pour yourself on me

If a man could be two places at one time
I'd be with you
Tomorrow and today
Beside you all the way

If the world should stop revolving
Spinning slowly down to die
I'd spend the end with you
And when the world was through
Then one by one the stars would all go out
Then you and I would simply fly away

a time for everything

and He says, 

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven;

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil--- this  is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it, God does it so that men will revere him. 

Whatever is has already been, 

and what will be has been before;

and God will call the past to account. 

i thought in my heart.

Ecclesiates 3:1-17

u can't keep doing what u do

has been awhile since last stream music on youtube.. found tis song n love it. Again.

 



only through God alone, will it be when all what seems lost, will be found.

im not saying goodbye

may the Lord lead our way

something more ironic? 

when you don't know you're u.

constantly playing...

some words are better left unexplained

many times, things are misleading.
but i'll believe that God will lead us.
somewhere along the line, we always stop believing.
don't depend on your understanding.
Trust God.

u can be the pencil and i can be the paper

i'm gonna throw all the work aside and watch tis movie now. 
i'm gonna.

if only i can do just tat.
sigh

but i can't afford to watch it now. 

this short clip will just have to do for now.

go here. there. and everywhere.

Title: How To Get Something Out of Your Head

# what you need: 

1. a virtual long and durable thread ( let's name this Ash)

2. a kind and persuasive voice

3. some kind of bait ( sushi or something)

4. a tiny binocular

# instructions: 

1. drop Ash into the ear, with the bait attached to it. u can tie the binocular around its neck. 

2. slowly lead it through all the tiny passages till it reaches the radioactive zone, u usually can recognize that area when you have a million of envelopes and letters flying overhead. 

3. now, take out that binocular, and start searching for the target object that pops up every now and then.

* beware, at this stage, its really tricky. you can't just drag it out or push it out, its too risky. try talking to it. 

here's where you need to use the persuasive voice, you can go " ello~~~ yoo hoo~~ weee~~~ then, bring up the target's name once in a while. den from then on, it really depends on your persuasive skills.....
like:

hi hi, come on out.. its gonna be fun... let's just take a long holiday and leave this place for a little while~
      or
let's go sushi-ing.
      or
yo. jom movie. :D

it might actually work. 

i think.

note: nvr try. hey, get out of here and shooo off.
bcz he'll lost his shoes and couldn't leave anyways.

so. nvr.

the mean bean theme

for things that matter, 

it's never a waste of time

it'll always be worth doing

aint? 

but the world has no eyes n ears

if i walk would you run

if i stop would you come

if i say you're the one

would you believe me

if i ask you to stay

would you show me the way

tell me what to say

so you don't leave me

the world is catching up to you

while you're running away

to chase your dream

its time for us to make a move

cause we are asking one another to change

and maybe i'm not ready 

but i'll try for your love

i can hide up above

i'll try for your love

we've been hiding enough

if i sing you a song

would you sing along

or wait till i'm gone

oh how we push and pull

if i give you my heart

would you just play the part

or tell me its the start

of something beautiful

am i catching up to you

while you're running away

to chase your dream

its time for us to face the truth

cause we are coming for each other to change

and maybe i'm not ready 

but i'll try for your love

i can hide up above

i'll try for your love

we've been hiding enough

if i walk would you run

if i stop would you come

if i say you're the one

would you believe me

Try    

~ Asher Book

mamihlapinatapai

there was a monkey who was having a flu,

he swings from tree to tree and didn't know what to do. .

He gave that perfect blur face and sat there for an hour,

thinking what to do next, to stay out of trouble.

The monkey likes blue, and likes staring into the sky,

to study the form of clouds, and the old dusty brown lines.

He never understood anything, no matter how hard he tries.

Humans are too complicated, he could only sigh.

He secretly loves dancing, though to others he lied.

He says he never dances, not in a million time.

but when everyone left, and out came the bright sun rise,

he puts on his dancing shoes, and tip tap he will shine.

tippity tap tippity too, tippity tap on one two shoes,

he sings and he sang, he slides and he glides,

he turns round and round, until it reaches night.

pop pip pop pip pop pip pop.

so he lies on the grass, and stares back to the sky.

closes his eyes and imagines, infinity stars up high.

God told him you just wait, i'll tell you what to do,

you don't have to worry a thing, i'll let you know real soon.

so then came breaking dawn, and the final star blinks twice,

he went back being the old self, the serious, don't smile kind.

but behind that green grin grass, there's a little worm that saw,

what happened to the monkey, within that thin four walls.

it sort of comes with the hat and uniform....

i tot i shud hav gotten use with it by now....