God remains the strength of my heart

God has been guiding me each step every day. i've been so weak these couple of weeks, with so many things happening and all. its just difficult for the heart to digest all things. so many things to learn, so many mistakes i've made, so many mental notes to keep, and it seems almost impossible to be able to do this on my own. no, let me rephrase. its totally impossible for me to do this on my own. i can't do it. its too hard. its too much to take in, its too impossible to digest. my heart couldnt take it. my mind unwilling to comprehend it all. i don't have d courage to believe anything.

the reason i'm still standing here, holding it all together, taking one step at a time, and having the strength to take the next breath, is all by God's grace and God given strength. Without God's wisdom, i can't survive. without His grace, my heart wouldn't be able to sustain.

blogging, has always been a platform for me to clear my thoughts. every single time my mind are filled with messy thoughts, when my heart is all confused, putting the thoughts into words, after building them into proper sentences and paragraphs and summaries and conclusions, always help everything to make sense.

and that's what happening now again.

i just feel the need to thank God. every single day. every single second. because
He's the strength to my next breath.
He's the strength to my next heart beat.
He's the strength for to wake up every morning to go to uni.
He's the strength for me to do anything at all.

i thank God for His wisdom.

i don't want to live on my own wisdom. in fact, i don't even have wisdom to start with. i feel so weak and strength-less without Him. i don't even think i have the strength to wake up in the morning for this period of time. and i'm glad He's pulling me through every single second. i'm glad He's here with me, telling me its okay, telling me even if i can't do this, He can do this for me. and because i'm weak, He's strong. day by day, He's revealing something, from the random movies i picked to watch, books i chose to read, people i meet and talk to, lectures i attend, places that i go and the things i spend doing.... all are part of His way of revealing something to me. something for me to learn, something to remind me and to make me realize.
how can i even comprehend His wonders with my own silly understanding. 

some of my friends said, how can i surrender all these into God's hands. how can i even be sure if theres a God to begin with. but what they do not know is, i had my moments of doubts when i shouldnt.  i've always been trying so hard to do things my way and i've failed. and i'm grateful that i've failed. God made me fail to teach me lessons. God made me learn so that i can grow. God make me fall so that i can grow stronger and He is molding me. but i guess putting all these into words can't really describe and make others comprehend. God works in magnificent ways that one can only comprehend it when he's the one to experience it. even so, one might even be able to comprehend, no...not until God decided to soften his heart and reveal His wisdom to him.

so if you're reading this and you don't get a word i'm saying about God. its totally not weird at all. because, this is my part of experiencing God, and your part has yet to come. but when its your turn, you'll probably get it.