it seems like there are many things already happenin tho the "holiday" had just begun. its an indescribable feeling how God is trying to make me see things i dun usually realize. i dun really noe how to describe it in words but its something tat i'm grateful tat God is making me see these things now. its amazing how He plans and make things happen juz so that i will be able to be ther to observe the things tat happened. n from there, His plan came by to change me bit by bit each day.
and each thing that i realized hurts me to learn that was wat kind of attitude i used to hav, how ignorant i was, how irresponsible my words were, how much of time wasted on myself resulting in neglecting the people tat are supposed to be closest to me, my own family. the time i've lost and the part i've left from my family in result of spending time on "me and my things". and i admit, none of the good things i did was from me but all the bad things were. i am not proud of who i am.
at the same time, i'm grateful to know that i'm actually being "taken care" of. and it is very comforting to know tat i'm nt on my own. to think that being who i am isn't d thing i shud concentrate on but what He wants and who He is. i'm glad tat He is telling me this now and not later. i've wasted enough. i couldn't afford to lose more.
i m still changing and i still do not know what to do. but aint tat wat its supposed to be? to be weak so we would always need to depend on Him, and to know not what to expect so we will always surrender our future onto Him.
just as what amen means; so be it.
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