and so it rained, but the sun was just hiding behind d clouds

the speakers sound awesome, the magazine looks interesting, and the food taste great. 

did everything just become more awesome or am i just more than happy to still be alive and smiling?

yesterday was definitely one of my longest day in life! tho i dunno how long a day is when u're dead. 

i've learn my lesson to NEVER, never, print last minute, NEVER. even when your presentation starts late in the afternoon.  

my heart totally dropped more than a 100 miles below ground level when the guy phoned me and said my presentation board printing failed. and he had to do it just 30 minutes before the presentation. printing will take an hour. to drive around? woohoo.

but no.

i did not woohoo~ at that time. i just sat infront of my comp like one who just received certificate of her death.  holding 80% of the final. All the nights of rushing would mean nothing. Lecturers will just take that you did nothing. At that moment, i couldn't even cry. i dropped my heart remember? tears wouldn't come when you lose your heart. 

I prayed and prayed so hard for God to save me, and try to believe that God did that for a reason. He wouldn't let me die. God will save me. must have hope must have hope must have hope. But despite my brain keep telling me that, my heart wouldn't return. my brain went from must have hope to i'm not gonna make it; i'm gonna fail this; i can't graduate. my philippines trip is gone. my scholarship is gone. gone. gone. gone.

but then again, i'm still grateful. bcoz its during these desperate moments that you totally stop trying to depend on yourself and just surrender to God.

since the post started with alive and smiling, you probably figured that i finally managed to get it printed out handsomely.
and more awesomely, i gt it wit just half the price in a shop just minutes away from college. now, do you understand why God made that previous printing fail? :) thank you GOD. 

More importantly, i learned that, no matter how much effort you put in, how hard you try, how well you planned, and how much you expect it to be, it all still depend on whether its God's will for you. you're just a weak person who has no idea whats gonna happen the next minute. can you depend on yourself? well, i definitely cant.

next fri. will be the next. let's not let history repeat itself. i'm gonna print on Monday.