the notebook

last few days, i went into my brother's room, wanted to watch Lord of The Rings, but it was too scary to watch it alone in the dark, so I end up watching the notebook instead. At that moment, i wasnt expecting it to be a movie this difficult. 

It was a difficult movie. Not difficult to understand, but difficult to leave the movie after watching it. Its the kind of movie that goes into your heart, run around leaving stains and marks and even after it leaves, the marks are there to stay. Its a difficult movie to not cry while watching it. 

It isnt bitter, but its not just sweet. It is something in between. But one thing that the movie strongly states, just like how the bible puts it, Love never fails. 

Its somehow easier to be the one watching it because you just need to bear a few minutes of heartache before the main characters in the movie find each other again. A less than 2 hours movie is not that difficult to bear compared to the character who are living it in the movie, the ones who know not when or who, the ones who know not how and why, the ones who waited many years for one love, the one who needs to bear the heartache without knowing that everything will work out fine in the end. 

We know it is a movie, we know it will end out fine. But the character doesn't know. Just like how in reality, we wouldn't have any idea, who is, who are, or when will be. 

That is the most difficult part of all. But in the movie they didn't mention God. and in my reality, i have God. maybe that's how my reality will be a little easier. having know that everything, will work out fine in the end of it all. because i believe. 

good friends made of great people

today, i realized ive got myself another really good friend. not the acquaintance kind of friend, but the type of friends where you know you can depend on them when you're sad, or to share with them when you're happie; friends that you're sincerely happie when you see them happie, friends that you want good things to happen to them, and even if bad things happen, you will be there for them because you know they will be there for you if something happen to you as well. friends who think of you when they're happie, friends who want to see you or talk to you when they are sad. friends who like you and accept you for who you are, and that your existing actually meant something to them in their lives. im really grateful, that God has placed many of these kind of friends in my life, true friends, and none of them should be taken granted for, because they dont have to be there, but they choose to be.

and i know, this is a very great blessing, it is not something that must happen, that is why all the more to appreciate friends like these.

im glad in every stages of my life, God has placed these amazing people to cross my path, or to even walk with me along on this path. i couldnt be more thankful for these people, those that have helped mold me in so many ways, it always seems like im the kind one helping others, seeems like it, but in truth each one of them have helped me in ways they never even realized. their importance in my life, my life wouldnt have been the same without any of them, not a single person can be missed out.

25 years, to flash back memories and time being surrounded with these great people constantly by my side, i have nothing more to ask for. i should feel blessed, should be grateful, and there shouldnt be one day to be sad. it will be selfish and ungrateful of me to be sad or depressed. no, i dont deserve to be. ive got every single thing, thte basics and even more. i should be grateful. ive just got to keep reminding myself to feel grateful every single day. 

do u believe?

do u believe that there's song that can make everything alright?


i found one today.

draw ink

it was 3 quick ugly portrait sketch and then this. this is fun. :) 

ps: i love you

its another movie day! today, it so happened to be ps i love you that got playing the harddrive. This is such a bittersweet movie. Really really sweet, but really really sad at the same time. But its movie like this that always makes me think. and i like movies that make me think. 

some people who never spend time watching movie like this, they're missing out a big time. chick flick and a genuine love story is different. i always like movies from books, because its always those that have the best quotes, those that have the best stories to tell. and this,is one of the best.

usually, i don't like movie with sad ending. and this book, someone dies right from the beginning. thats just sad. but i guess thats the part of it that make it a beautiful story. it shows how beautiful love can be, that despite how much pain it brings when you lost it, it is still worth having it in the first place. 

this sort of remind me of a friend who likes to ask really difficult questions, such as "would you rather lose both hands or both legs?" or " would you prefer to be deaf and to never hear music again, or mute, to never be heard again?" difficult questions like that. and this movie, gave me another difficult question. 

" would i rather have someone to love me and know me like how Jerry know Holly, and then love him so much that the pain of losing him is just so difficult to bear? or would i rather not love at all?"

how do you choose to love a person? maybe you don't even get to choose to love a person, maybe it just happen. whether you want it or not. 

oh, and that part about creating things, where Holly said, her business is to create something, anything, anything that will bring that part of you to show it to the world, that part of you that makes you different from the ordinary people from the world. i think that part is just beautiful. i think that's really something that makes someone so special, that you cant find it on anyone else. 

you know, i've always imagined what would my funeral be like. what would my friends say about me, what kind of a person would my family described me to be... and always from now and then, i will try my very best to be kind, to be helpful, to be special, because i want to be special. i want people to remember me as someone special in their life, someone who did something, someone who changed something. someone who sees something when others didnt, someone who did something when others walked away, someone who loves God, someone who cares, someone who is special. 

i just wish i would remember that everyday, especially on days in the black hole. i hate that black hole. everyone would be so much happier if there isnt such thing as a black hole. but just like Holly, she doesn't always remember what she wants or need in life either. Maybe thats why we need people who loves us to remind us, people who know us to tell us, what makes our eye sparkles, what make us, us. 

i like this movie. its my 3rd time watching it, after reading the book. and it still makes me think and it still makes me cry. i like how movie do this to people. i like how authors do, how they create something so beautiful that make people cry, or think, or learn how to love. i want to do things like that too. i don't want to work for the sake of working, or do things for the sake of doing. i want to create things that would make people love, make people smile, make people cry, make people feel. i want to create things that will make an impact, or make a little change, i want to help, i want to help people learn, help people love. and maybe through helping, i would myself learn how to love. 

ps: i think this soundtrack is gonna go on playing for a while <3 div="">